• Interstellar

    Interstellar

    While I’m ranting about Contact here’s another purported sci-fi movie that made me want to SELF-HARM. I remember watching this pseudo-intellectual reel of NONSENSE and groaning so hard when all the “hard” Hollywood science was reduced to LOVE IS THE FIFTH DIMENSION. This movie took at least 2 years off my life span from suffering an endless series of RAGE STROKES. How on earth was this movie in any way laudable?? NEVER FORGIVE

  • Contact

    Contact

    I will never forget being like 10 years old and expecting a cool sci-fi movie only to be VIOLENTLY disappointed by Contact. WTF CARL SAGAN YOU SADIST. Instead of cool alien stuff you give me Jodie Foster with SPACE DADDY ISSUES?!?!? If I wanted to spend two hours on that crap I could just stare in the MIRROR!! I remember being so young and so angry and wanting to roll up and down the aisles screaming in protest. NEVER FORGIVE

  • Gangs of New York

    Gangs of New York

    I was trying to think of a movie I actively hate that made me foam at the mouth mad and Gangs of NY definitely came to mind. The whole production was like a terrible joke with an AWFUL ending (some modern post 9/11 tribute to the city who cares wtf??). The casting was an abortion (Cameron Diaz, never attempt an Irish accent again and just stay on Instagram) and the story was wildly uninteresting and basically inspired me to start cutting. So many years have passed and I’m still furious.

  • The Entity

    The Entity

    ★★★

    Wow this is a very creepy and rapey movie. As a horror film I think it was more than competent. The musical score is unforgettable and Barbara Hershey really pulls her role off well.

  • Suspiria

    Suspiria

    ★★★★

    I had zero expectations going into this movie and haven’t seen the original. There were definitely more than a few flaws but the tone and feel of the movie made it all up for me. Dakota Johnson proved to me she can actually act, Tulsa Swinton continues to be awesome, and the choreography was killer good. It’s a movie that will be on my mind for a while.

  • Godzilla vs. Kong

    Godzilla vs. Kong

    ★★★

    I love all the Titan movies no matter how crappy they are. This one was pretty terrible but still fun and Godzilla is adorable.

  • Pulp Fiction

    Pulp Fiction

    Hated this movie as a teen and still hate it as an adult.

  • Knives Out

    Knives Out

    ★★

    I have no idea why this movie is in such great favor and I have zero interest in any sequels.

  • Sound of Metal

    Sound of Metal

    ★★★

    A competent movie on subject matter that’s been covered a million times. For me the final scene saved the movie from being totally forgettable.

  • The Cranes Are Flying

    The Cranes Are Flying

    ★★★★

    What a lovely movie about a complex woman burdened by tragedy and guilt. Though the great patriotic war is central to the story, it is not the central story itself. Tatiana Samoilova was incredible and I’m so glad her tremendous performance was recognized by the industry in her time.

  • Charles II: The Power and The Passion

    Charles II: The Power and The Passion

    ★★★★★

    Today Helen McCory died and it’s gutting news. What’s even more depressing is that her legacy is being defined by Harry Potter shit and I can’t deal. I think this mini-series is the best performance I’ve seen by Helen on film. She is sublime.

  • The Hunt

    The Hunt

    ★★★

    It’s a fun movie for the blackpilled who hate the ineffectual but vicious capitalist liberal. I’m a sucker for movies where someone has a “special set of skills” and it was very cool to see Betty Gilpin (love love love her) play that role.