Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter ★★★★½

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Judge me, shame me, hate on me, do what you gon’ do but I absolutely love these movies, k? Haters gonna hate, haters gonna rotate, I can’t EVEN be bothered. It is literally impossible for me to not love a movie in which Milla Jovovich and Ali Larter are a couple of kick-ass name-taking females so here we are. HERE WE ARE.

You could make a laundry list of everything that’s awful about these movies and you know what you’d be absolutely right BUT I DO NOT CARE because these movies are just about as fun as it gets don’t @ me. I put off seeing this one for so long because part of me just didn’t want this franchise to end. I have loved Milla Jovovich since pre-teen me had a borderline unhealthy obsession with the perfect world of Return to the Blue Lagoon so when she starred in the first movie all I could do was pray for endless sequels and it’s been a pretty damn good run. This installment keeps up the series tradition of just doing a big ol’ “f*ck you” to the end of the last movie and I’m ok with that because it did a good job of wrapping things up and provided a surprisingly heartfelt conclusion to Alice’s journey and I’m actually ok with the way things ended.....except OF COURSE I’m dreaming of another sequel because hello have you met me?

Say what you will about Paul W.S. Anderson and you’d probably be fully justified in saying it, but the man knows how to make a slick, good-looking movie. Also he’s freaking married to Milla so really doesn’t he get the last laugh on any/everything? Speaking of beautiful people, why does Wesker look almost CGI-ed in this one? I really don’t care but still...his skin is a little too perfect.

I’m still thinking the 5th entry is my favorite in the series, but this did not disappoint in the slightest. I’ve never played the video games and really have no desire to so I can’t speak to that angle although I feel like these movies and Silent Hill are probably the best video game adaptations so is anybody else, you know what, surely somebody, I’m just gonna say it: Resident Evil vs. Silent Hill seems like a great idea again don’t @ me.

Side note: In 1994, Milla Jovovich released an album entitled Milla and if you haven’t heard it you should seek it out because it’s legit surprisingly fantastic. She also designs clothes and speaks four languages so she is basically perfect and probably some actual advanced next-level human like the character she plays in these very movies.

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