Favorite films

  • Last Year at Marienbad
  • Robin Hood
  • The Ring
  • Adaptation.

Recent activity

  • The Meg


  • Jackass Shark Week

  • Pig


  • Ringu


Pinned reviews

  • Die Hard

    Die Hard


    In a horrible year with awful politics and deaths and, and... you know, just the awfulness that 2016 has been, I've taken some respite by getting angry over some goddamned trivial stuff. Mostly that means being a solitary voice in the darkness that loudly, proudly says, "Die Hard is not a fucking Christmas movie, you assholes."

    You know what Christmas movies are? They are movies that can only be watched in December. There's no other time it makes sense to…

  • Halloween



    [abrasive synth]
    [heavy breathing]
    [doorbell ringing]

    It's been a long time since I've watched Halloween. I would get into why, but it's a boring story. Suffice to say, I didn't have access. And now I do. Wasn't sure how Halloween would hold up. I've wavered in opinion with various other cornerstone horror franchises (Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th), and it's been a long time.

    It's apparent from the opening scene that Halloween holds the FUCK up.

    Every year…

Recent reviews

  • The Meg

    The Meg


    Steve Alten's source novel is abysmal. Torturously written, high on excessive ellipsis and exclamation mark usage, low on viable reasons for either. And even if we want to consider over exclamation pointing and ellipsisizing a "style" rather than a failure to properly punctuate, Alten's inability to write a sympathetic character or elegantly construct a novel is a death knell on its own.

    If you want to have a good time, here's a selection of quotes from the novel that sum…

  • Jackass Shark Week

    Jackass Shark Week

    There's something rather sad about Jackass Shark Week. Discovery Channel's annual celebration of all things shark is an enduring—and endearing—legacy, one which feels like a natural venue for a brief moment of Jackassery. But this is such a tame, restrained product that it barely whimpers through its 3/4 hour runtime.

    Johnny Knoxville takes a step back here, no longer an active participant in any shenanigans. In fact, aside from some staged-feeling video conferences as he checks in with the team,…

Popular reviews

  • Spotlight



    In college I was an English major with a minor in Journalism. I went that route because Journalism was the only English-related minor that, at my University, an English major could take. But as I went through the classes to get my minor, I came to realize two things:

    1. I had a deep love of what newspaper do and a respect for the people who write the stories.

    2. My personality would never hold up in the journalistic world.…

  • Wonder Woman

    Wonder Woman


    Superhero movies rarely deliver on hype. Based on the amount of eye rolling I did during the first couple of scenes, I figured Wonder Women would be another so-so trek into mildly enjoyable (but ultimately disposable) superhero cinema.

    In a rare case of a film being able to overcome a bad first impression, Wonder Woman ends up impressing with its fluid as fuck action sequences (the beach scene, in particular, is worth a standing ovation) and good on-screen chemistry between…