• Three Days of the Condor

    Three Days of the Condor

    ★★★½

    Hours after everyone in his office is murdered, Robert Redford commits sexual assault to clear his mind so he can outsmart the CIA in this Sydney Pollack helmed thriller

  • To Live and Die in L.A.

    To Live and Die in L.A.

    ★★★★

    A highly entertaining film in the “Psychotic cops that are horrible at their job” genre. You got a young Willem dafoe playing the menacing villain (and looking a little too fat in the face if u ask me, I like my dafoe old and gaunt), some awesome, unexpected violence peppered in throughout the movie and you get to see the guy from CSI’s real, semi hard cock and that thangs looking niiiiice

  • Get Carter

    Get Carter

    ★★★★

    A reckless, well dressed thug doesn’t let seeking revenge for his brother’s mysterious murder stop him from getting pussy from two girls and having phone sex with his boss’s wife

  • The Man from Nowhere

    The Man from Nowhere

    ★★★★★

    Imagine John wick but instead of avenging his dog he’s trying to save a sweet little kid from being sex trafficked by the mafia. If that sentence doesn’t have you logging on to Amazon prime right now (where this movie is streaming for free) then get the fuck off my Letterboxd you uncultured dog.  

    Though typically I like my revenge thrillers to be nonstop action from the jump, the buildup here is well worth it. We don’t see our…

  • Lady Snowblood

    Lady Snowblood

    ★★★★½

    A hot lady is born into a vendetta and spends her life traveling the Japanese countryside slashing off the limbs of scoundrels while searching for her mother’s rapists and father’s murderers? THATS A BIG ASS MOTHERFUCKING HELL YEA FROM ME PARTNER 

    also it’s cool to watch a random old movie and see where Quentin Tarantino took his whole shit from

  • Commando

    Commando

    ★★★★★

    John matrix is the kind of man I aspire to be. I wish one day to get the opportunity to save my daughter from a Central American dictator who’s country is somehow an 11 hour flight from Los Angeles (that is being portrayed by a Persian man doing a tony Montana impression) by befriending a hot black stewardess (who is also a pilot), murdering 100’s of henchmen (that the dictator brought with him to LA?) and taking advantage of the…

  • Twelve Monkeys

    Twelve Monkeys

    ★★½

    Mids.com  
    a movie in the most despicable zone cinema can inhabit: not good but not horrible enough that you derive joy from how much you hated it.

    The style choices in the future were very cool (and the reason I’m bumping it from 2.5 to 3) and the plot keeps you interested but ultimately does not make sense. There’s a couple twists that feel unearned and loose ends that are tied up but in the shittiest knot you’ve ever…

  • Solaris

    Solaris

    ★★★★½

    Fellas, if a radioactive space ocean took the form of your dead ex wife, would you abandon your mission and ignore your professional training as a scientist and astronaut to get pussy from it without considering the consequences your actions might have????

  • Moonstruck

    Moonstruck

    ★★★★½

    A very strange movie that’s  incredibly rewatchable and features some beautiful NY in the 80’s settings for all you New York heads out there. 41 year old Cher and 23 year old Nicolas Cage are both at their hottest and scoffing at the age gap discourse in this love letter to cheating. 

    In fact, the clear moral of the story is: cheat and everything works out for you. Whether you’re a hot widow getting her back blown out by the…

  • The French Connection

    The French Connection

    ★★★★

    One of the worst police officers of all time (Gene Hackman’s Popeye) stumbles upon an international drug trafficking plot by accident, after illegally spying on a sexy Italian man for nothing more than the crime of staying out late and getting a little side pussy. 

    During the course of the film Popeye loses a geriatric Frenchman on foot, murders one innocent  person, is arguably responsible for the death of at least two others, and engages in racial profiling of dozens…

  • The Searchers

    The Searchers

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    A confederate veteran shows tremendous personal growth by deciding not to execute his niece even tho he believes the Comanche ruined her pussy

  • Casino

    Casino

    ★★★★★

    I want to apologize for my prior reviews. I understand now that they were disgusting. From now on, I promise to conform to Letterboxd’s community standards. I also want to apologize for the 5 star rating, which is an error I made last night and I can’t change. 

    I don’t think Casino deserves 5 stars. I certainly don’t think it’s one of the best movies ever made by one the greatest directors of all time. I don’t think the contrast…