slothtroyer has written 11 reviews for films rated ★★½ .

  • The Legend of Bagger Vance

    The Legend of Bagger Vance

    Our Monday movie nights token republican chose this one. He made me a really good cocktail and the bowl was packed endlessly so I was pretty much as sloshed as Matt Damon was at the beginning of this movie. "Lost my swaaanng"

    Will Smith was in talks to play Neo in The Matrix. Did he say no because of Bagger Vance being on his horizon?
    Now, for our next exercise: close your eyes and go to the alternate reality where…

  • The Devil, Probably

    The Devil, Probably

    The fact that Bresson in his old age had his finger on the pulse of anti hippie punk youth nihilism and environmental despair does indeed make this a fascinating lil piece of history to dip into. I can only imagine what Richard Hell, Dennis Cooper and other artist champions of this film coming up in this time period must have felt while watching this in 77. Now though its hard to see it as little more than a rather frustrating…

  • Mortal Kombat

    Mortal Kombat

    2 words: "I came back from hell 2 kill you"
    I can foresee a future film scholar writing an essay about this one and Godzilla vs. King Kong (2021) giving rise of to the "Nu Stupid Movement" in cinema, centered around noisy discord viewings with friends.
    I could be a source for him. I was there. I was on discord.
    All I really know is it did my heart such good to see this much gore in a mainstream action movie. Please more of that.
    I
    came back
    from hell
    to
    kill you

  • Sympathy For The Devil: The True Story of The Process Church of the Final Judgment

    Sympathy For The Devil: The True Story of The Process Church of the Final Judgment

    Basically the real fun of this is thinking about how cool it would be to be in London in 1960 whatever, where you could bicker and chat edge lord shit with Process folks in their cool cloaks, and then proceed to dip inside the UFO club and get your LSD-25 groove on to some Syd (fuckin) Barrett era Pink Floyd. Damn. Unfortunately most of this is just rich British folks reminiscing on how fun it was to run around and…

  • My Uncle the Alien

    My Uncle the Alien

    Spoiler: The presidents daughters "uncle" who is a space alien wanders around with his mouth hanging open in the background for the first forty minutes of the movie because time no longer means anything to him and he gets lost in it and forgets how to participate with it. Happens to everyone.

    In many ways the "uncles" state mirrors the state of the film, itself being a string of events with hazy logic at best, moving at the speed of…

  • An Extremely Goofy Movie

    An Extremely Goofy Movie

    College kids are the worst
    College kids are the new teenagers. At least teenagers have some viable excuses for their stupid shit.
    It does give off a very VERY early 2000s aesthetic smell that I cant help but respond to but I have to mute most of it to enjoy that to its fullest. Would have loved i if the whole movie was just the sweet lil romance Goofy and the librarian lady have in this...instead the kids gotta "do…

  • Holes in Heaven

    Holes in Heaven

    Got nausea? Depression? Feeling dizzy? You obviously live next to one of the "TRANSMITTERS"
    Debates on whatever the hell "energy" is, await you.
    Antennae! funded by "the government" to "control our minds!"
    Science dooking it out with the new millennium new agers!
    Some far reaching hippie shit and yeah, almost much unanimously debunked since the project dissolved and moved its equipment to Fairbanks University and yeah the world didn't come to an end...well maybe it did...yeah thats up for debate.…

  • Gamera vs. Zigra

    Gamera vs. Zigra

    "There are limits to what we humans can do." The general bluntly admits. Everyone in the room immediately groans in resounding agreement. 

    Some of the preceding Gamera entries felt like beautiful flash backs to your greatest childhood summer days, but this one feels like a trip back to a day where nothing fit, where maybe you fell asleep out in the grass and got sunburned, came back in for dinner, a strange groggy dream in your head, only to have your mom remind…

  • If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?

    If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?

    "JESUS WONT GIVE YOU CANDY! THE STATE WILL GIVE YOU ALL THE CANDY YOU WANT!!" - Communist devil man
    Endless dream like depictions of communists killing christians (especially christian children) in the most creative ways possible. Its hilariously silly at certain points but you probably wont get a laugh out because your jaw will basically never stop dropping during this hour long nightmare. At the end of the day this one is little more than a big old hateful fear…

  • The Incredible Discovery of Noah's Ark

    The Incredible Discovery of Noah's Ark

    The dad from A Christmas Story, the one who "worked in profanities the way other artists worked in oils or clays" is your riveting/crazed guide through this weird 2 star doc that is sure to be a bizarre 3 star experience for any "doubting Thomas" viewer (like myself).

    I am trying not to take too many cheap shots at this thing, If anything this is an entertaining, unnerving and surreal trip because it is so chocked full of odd characters…

  • Terror In Beverly Hills

    Terror In Beverly Hills

    ★★½

    Hell yeah Sylvester stalones brother kicking terrorism's ass! Some hillarious performances and tons silly scenes that seem to be there to basically fill the time.