Bride of Re-Animator

Bride of Re-Animator ½

i fucking knew it. i told you i fucking KNEW this slimy little jerkoff bitch herbert west had a thing about feet.
also i can not stress enough how little i understand why dan is going along w/ herbert's bullshit. i let dan off easy last time, he's so fucking pathetic. herbert is a larger than life form of scum but dan? oh dan you sad sad sack of shit. herbert west looks like he wakes up everyday, shoves a vodka soaked tampon up his ass, does a line of coke, and then just GOES, and for some fucking reason dan is like yeah ok. he's the most fucking manipulatable man alive if i wanted him to kill for me all i'd have to do is cry a little i bet. once celled organism spineless little heterosexual self centered walking wank stain. that's. dan. i want to shave half of his head while he sleeps, i want to chew holes in all of his fucking sweaters like a moth. disgusting how he's just going to let herbie build him a new girlfriend out of parts that is just so beyond putrid. be honest dan. do you want a girlfriend? or is what you really want a life sized pocket pussy w/ legs. dan is a beta cuck avocado toast soy milk boot humping egirl simping flaccid cock of a man and i have no respect whats so ever for him.
fuck this movie for killing the little finger creature so soon, that little guy had twice the charisma as dan and herb combined and it died. hate this cold bitch of an earth. it was the only one of herbert's creations too benevolent, too perfect to not instantly lunge towards him w/ malice and how does he repay it? by letting it die.
the closet thing herbert does to 'something right' is kill a cop but that little coward immediately tries to take it back.and the way he goes about it. that sniveling little brat. every time he movies my flesh crawls like seeing a house centipede crawl out of the drain. i would rather be watching an 2 hour time lapse of rotting fruit than any second of herbert west's puckered impotent face twitch at the camera.
and as if this fucking movie wasn't bad enough we have to deal with fucking carl again i'm so sick of that horse toothed gremlin.
everything herbert does is so fucking sexual around the dead bodies i jsut oh my god i fucking hate him i hate how he looks at dan, i hate i i'm literally running out of words. he freaks me out so fucking bad. he's just repulsive. really. i mean deeply repulsive. he looks like he'd drink dan's bath water AND THAT'S NOT FUCKING ROMANTIC. this movie doesn't deserve fans, or kindness, or beautiful italian queens. this franchise's only true love is degrading women. all you people are so fucking up your asses grasping at straws trying to ship the two most repulsive unlikeable musky disgusting unwashed fursuits of humans that are the main characters that you just want to look away and pretend these movies don't get off showing the most egregious and exploitative assault scenes put to film.
and hey while i'm here how about some ~real~ criticism. the fucking plot drags, it's just a rehash of the previous film, they have to have so many stupid little filler scenes of herbet jerking off to his gross little abominations. and why. WHY do they keep going w/ this? they fail at every level they never manage to do anything right, they take no safety precautions even w/ the cops nipping at their heels they still let that pig's corpse run rampant through the town they didn't even TRY TO secure him. and JESUS can the climax get here already??? so much sitting around god. nothing. of. value. going. on. there isn't even any like chracter stuff happening, it' jsut the same as the first movie. herbert is a filthy little scum sucker and dan is a lemming. just no development, tho i guess herbert finally driving dan away from his last bastion of sanity is KIND OF development. all they do is ruin every life that they come across and then defile it's corpse.
this movie fucking FAILED at adapting an interesting concept/character w/ the franken-bride. that actress was doing great, the design was great, but unfortunately queen you're in a reanimator film. UnU just depressing that there could have been something great there. the gore and shit at the end was so fucking stupid man, bat carl is just.... too fucking hokey it just look awful. it feels like a parody of the first film not a sequel. it's a bad fucking movie, herbert and dan are bad fucking characters. i guess end of story.

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