• Night Teeth

    Night Teeth

    ★★

    A film that goes on tangents riffing off Collateral, John wick, and every L.A crime schlock that also for whatever reason is simultaneously about everyone being vampires who fight drug wars. Sydney Sweeney and Megan Fox show up at one point as sexy vampire overlords and are immediately killed. Very much kind of awful but weirdly ambitious conceptually and also kind of bat shit insane. Amazing!

  • You've Got Mail

    You've Got Mail

    ★★½

    The original e-couple

  • Happiness

    Happiness

    ★½

    Woah, I think this is meant to be us? So sad.

  • Trolls World Tour

    Trolls World Tour

    ★★

    Actually kinda epic ngl

    They sang Gangnam style and party rock anthem back to back at one point

    I kept waiting for James Cordens character to die 

    The most ADD film ever made

    Crazy movie, within like 30 seconds one of the trolls (who also exclusively talks in autotune) gives birth to a baby troll (through his head I think? Which implies the existence of troll-pussy) and that child is immediately given a rap name and he drops a verse.


    Also kind of about colonialism???

    I am on PCP.

    Kind of amazing

  • Being the Ricardos

    Being the Ricardos

    Being the dick-hard-o’s

  • First Daughter

    First Daughter

    ½

    The Barron Trump story

  • Bring It On

    Bring It On

    ★★★½

    Important film about the struggles of being a hot girl & the perils of cultural appropriation

  • Bride Wars

    Bride Wars

    I had to wait an extra hour to listen to the new FKA Twigs mixtape for this

  • Scream

    Scream

    ★★

    As an attempt to play on the concept of legacy-sequels and media consumption this feels especially stale when Matrix Resurrections is still not even a month old yet. Some decently playful kills with lots of fun buildup/ fake-outs throughout but without the craft of Wes at the helm this basically renders itself as a dramatically inert slog. Wes always rode a fine line between finding empathy and a sense of tragedy for his subjects whilst also being relentlessly mean, and…

  • Scream 4

    Scream 4

    ★★★★

    Don’t mind me just doing hot girl shit

  • Scream 3

    Scream 3

    ★★

    Wes’s only flop 😞

    Shoutouts to executive producer, Harvey Weinstein

  • Scream 2

    Scream 2

    ★★★½

    Opening scene of this is just documentary footage how sweaty virgins acted in screenings of Spider Man: No Way Home