The Astrologer

The Astrologer ★★★★½

White Mediocrity 

In Texas they have a saying about the weather (tbh they probably have it everywhere but Texas likes to think it’s special), if you don’t like it, wait 5 minutes. The same could be said about the plot of “The Astrologer,” a vanity project that moves at such a clip that it almost plays like someone reading the synopsis of it on a podcast or something. Performers deliver the lines with stilted quickness, editing cuts are made with scenes crashing into one another in a disorienting manner, and the plot points come hurling at the audience (often in newspaper headlines) at an absurd breakneck pace.

Craig Denny’s pear shaped body walks determinedly through the film, often either with his thumbs hooked into the top of his jeans, shirtless, or both. His character faces practically no obstacles between him and success (at one point he straight up murders someone and faces zero consequences), and the film still tries to frame his journey as a tragedy, albeit one soundtracked almost entirely by (likely uncleared) Moody Blues tracks. It’s a hoot.

IMDB clocks this at 96 minutes and LB has it as the 77 minute version I just watched. I wonder if the version I watched at Fantastic Fest was the 96 minute version.

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