• The Handmaiden

    The Handmaiden

    ★★★★½

    This movie centers the female gaze because I’m a woman who really liked it.

  • Nowhere

    Nowhere

    ★★★★

    “In the last 18 hours, I’ve seen four people get abducted by a space alien, watched Ducky try to drown himself, plus I spent like 387 bucks on CDs“

    I wanna fuck. I want to die. I want to fucking die and I just want someone to love me. The real me. It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel FINE. 

  • Prisoners of the Ghostland

    Prisoners of the Ghostland

    ★★

    An oddly unenjoyable movie from Sion Sono elevated by testicular harm (explosive and verbal), Doug Dimmadome, and domming a girl immediately after

  • Jesus Shows You the Way to the Highway

    Jesus Shows You the Way to the Highway

    You’re finally awake! You hit your psyche pretty hard in that MIT experiment.

    Psychobook? The Substance? CIA ops in the year 2043? “Stalin” and President Batfro? What are you talking about?

    It is the year of our lord 1997. Let me show you the way to the highway. Go, my son. Forget this horrible dream and make pizza with your beautiful wife.

  • Howl from Beyond the Fog

    Howl from Beyond the Fog

    ★★★★

    A lean but evocative and visually striking kaiju story told with puppets, painting, and intricate dioramas. Don’t have much else to say but it’s gorgeous and it whips.

  • Dead Ringers

    Dead Ringers

    ★★★★½

    Two identical twins conjoined by emotional incest turn each other other inside-out with drugs and the cold, alien steel of “gynecological implements for mutant women.” Radical techniques are medically necessary to open these two boys up to the beauty contest that eludes their insides.

  • The Green Knight

    The Green Knight

    ★★★★

    Almost added an extra star for the realistic cum but I must remain objective, for I am an art critic first and a cum-enthusiast second

  • Evangelion: 3.0 You Can (Not) Redo

    Evangelion: 3.0 You Can (Not) Redo

    ★★★

    The moral of the story is: get a little bold with it, stop leering at 14 year old girls, and put some gay boys on a piano with oceans of blood in the background, I’ll give you another half star at least.

    Plot details became soup to me after a while but despite its flaws, this was the first piece of Evangelion media I’ve enjoyed since End Of Eva.

  • Brand New Cherry Flavor

    Brand New Cherry Flavor

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Did Lisa Nova effectively utilize girl power when her selfishness and penchant for manipulation resulted in the horrific mutilation and death of 6 innocent people?

    No, but she DID effectively utilize girl power when she fingered herself and then had a himbo fist her in her brand new rib-pussy, all on-screen in pornographic detail.

    The ‘good for her’ to ‘girl stop’ to ‘good for her?’ pipeline, immaculately crawled through by Rosa Salazar. This show really commits to being fuck-nasty and (mostly) commits to being messy in a way that’s genuinely refreshing.

    Also jfc that was the single most menacing couch I’ve ever seen.

  • Evangelion: 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone

    Evangelion: 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone

    ★★

    Cis women just can’t do what trans women do, even 10 years after the fact, and that’s okay

  • The Empty Man

    The Empty Man

    ★★★½

    There is a version of this movie where the bones aren’t disjointed and the skin doesn't slouch off the frame between steps. There is a version of this movie where the eye twitches only to the arrhythmia of the immaterial. There is a version of this movie where the signal transmits into you with only the static it intended.

    The transmission we received is rough around the edges and not entirely holistic, but has its finger on the pulse of…

  • The Favourite

    The Favourite

    ★★★★½

    Literally all you had to do was be nice to this woman’s dead child memorial rabbits. And yet.