• Eternals

    Eternals

    *Sisley and ebert voice* 


    9000 Year Old teen girl, Bollywood guy that has a best friend that he does videos/holds hands with (not racist), gay Robert Oppenheimer, and their Mayo ass cracker ass friends both sides the conquest of the americas and Hiroshima in the 46th marvel film this year that you’re racist if you don’t go see.  

    Somehow the marvel house style gets worse, they care to actually frame a shot literally only when it’s made on a…

  • Miami Vice: Brother's Keeper

    Miami Vice: Brother's Keeper

    ★★★★★

    It’s interesting to see the mirror reflection of Miami Vice 2006. It’s more contained and domestic, there’s less jet setting and boat racing. Instead it excels in making you feel these people are unbound. Both of our protagonists have nothing, no family, no women, his estranged ex wife barely coming to the phone. They’re drawn into the positions they must play, compelled towards the final shootout. Both here and in 2006 they feel like a foregone conclusion but here the…

  • F for Fake

    F for Fake

    ★★★★★

    A movie about the alchemical processes of movies. Seeing. Sound. The movement of time. The belief that all of these are, within their time they occupy, true and relative. The truth of the things you see, the things you hear, and the time they occupy are toyed with, transmuted and removed. A documentary of truth without truth, and the meaning of truth are stabbed at seemingly for the fun of it. It’s dazzling, I’m fried, and the scene of him taking a step back to wax poetic on the Notre Dame is haunting.

  • Murder on the Orient Express

    Murder on the Orient Express

    ★★★★½

    On a pure technical basis this movie is like 2 stars lower than I’m giving it. There’s some great shots in this, especially at the end, but it suffers from some pacing problems the more well known adaptation doesn’t. That being said, the fact that this movie exists raises this movie to almost perfection. There is a movie in 2017 that’s just a bunch of actors having the time of their life shooting a book that most people read in…

  • Lady Chatterley's Lover

    Lady Chatterley's Lover

    ★★½

    Crazy that homeboy has a being cucked sixth sense

  • Shanghai Express

    Shanghai Express

    ★★★★★

    Marlene Dietrich looks like a bird in this, but like the most Sexual Bird Ever. 

    I’d shoot at least one of my followers for a single kiss from her.

  • Private Collections

    Private Collections

    ★★½

    Absolutely furious that the final twist wasn’t that she has a dick

  • Benedetta

    Benedetta

    ★★★★

    Some of the digital effects are kinda mid and you could say this movie has pacing problems but it’s really fucking funny and way better than the nunsploitation it got counter marketed as.

  • Bon Voyage, Charlie Brown (and Don't Come Back!)

    Bon Voyage, Charlie Brown (and Don't Come Back!)

    ★★★★★

    Linus almost dies in a house fire and snoopy is canonically a ww2 vet

  • Untitled Kevin Feige Star Wars Film

    Untitled Kevin Feige Star Wars Film

    ★★★★★

    This piece of shit is never coming out and they took star wars the clone wars 2003 off Letterboxd so until they retvrn it to tradition I will be using this spot to talk about it. Anyways 2003 Clone Wars is literally the coolest fucking Star Wars media of all time. There’s a jousting scene for Christ sake. This was top tier elementary school viewing, real gotta sit down with the boys at recess and discuss the implications of this…

  • Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

    Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

    Unlike a marvel film where you forget about it in 3 hours I forgot about this movie while I was watching it. This felt like a bad fan film stretched out way too long. Somehow this managed to be less interesting than Black Widow. It’s astonishing to me that they’ve made like 3 of these movies now and not a single person has managed to make the story of GI Joe interesting. Just adopt the Larry Hama comics you fools.…

  • Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

    Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    How do you make the story of a son struggling against his immortal despot father boring? Very carefully. Shang Chi is not an exciting or unique character, created to cash in on the tide of pop orientalism during the 60s. While he has been used in an interesting way since then (Hickmans Avengers run comes to mind), he’s not exactly high on many peoples list. In his debut film, Shang Chi rejects classic orientalism for woke lib orientalism. Here, they decry…