• Black Knight

    Black Knight

    ★★★★★

    Awww hell naught

  • The Green Knight

    The Green Knight

    ★★

    “Wait, is this really all there is?” - me, 3/4 into this realizing there’s no substance to it and its just another self sucking a24 movie for dumb people. Watch black knight instead

  • The Plumber

    The Plumber

    ★★★★

    Loved it. Like a better version of cable guy

  • Foxcatcher

    Foxcatcher

    ★★★½

    I half-watched this when it came out on DVD while visiting my dad. Barely remembered it. Just wanted something to put on during the hurricane that reminded me of the woods in the fall, and this was the first thing that popped into my head.

    Kinda torn on this movie. A lot of what I did and did not like about it is dependent on the context of seeing it, really, for the first time right now. On one hand,…

  • The Long Haul

    The Long Haul

    ★★

    Can’t get over Victor Mature’s weird grandma face or his big, edematous junkie hands. They’re specifically junkie hands. I don’t know if he did heroin but those are the hands of a junkie. There’s many types of swollen hands but there’s a specific balloon animal quality to the hands of heroin addicts; they’re not just swollen, they’re delicate and tragic, and they develop their own unique physics, fanning out like the felt fingers of the Count from Sesame Street.

  • The Shadow on the Window

    The Shadow on the Window

    ★★

    Archie bunkers gay friend has to find his ex wife

  • The Black Windmill

    The Black Windmill

    ★★★★

    Ello, you’ve ‘eard of Michael Caine, well, moi name is Michael Braine. And you’re probably wondering if I suck dick. (Leaning closer) Yes. I. Do.

  • Thunderball

    Thunderball

    ★★★

    Ahh miss giveypussy

  • Fall Time

    Fall Time

    What if mike ness tried to make a David lynch movie

  • A Prayer for the Dying

    A Prayer for the Dying

    A truly embarrassing movie. Very funny. The blind bitch bursting into tears while fucking and saying “I wish I could see you,” checks all my boxes.

    Absolutely no part of the movie makes sense. I guess it was supposed to be an IRA movie but half of the fuckin thing is some effete mortician/gangster (???) slinking around and vaguely threatening bob hoskins like snidely whiplash.

    This should be used as evidence to argue that Irish Americans should be sent to brainwashing/re-education camps and neutered of any identifiable ethnicity.

  • Year of the Dragon

    Year of the Dragon

    ★★

    This movie was panned as racist when it was released almost 40 years ago, so I was expecting to laugh my ass off the whole time, but it’s relatively tame. Frankly I can’t really identify anything particularly racist about the _movie_ other than the suggestion that Chinese would rape a Japanese, which is a cruel, ahistorical inversion of the facts. I guess back in 1985, everyone thought Chinese people only did math or karate so the suggestion that they’d be involved in the drug trade or organized crime rustled some folkses jimmies. Aside from that, it’s fine, mostly boring.

  • Old

    Old

    Anti vax propaganda.