• The Kissing Booth 3

    The Kissing Booth 3


    I get a sick thrill out of a movie where the main character’s flaw is that she is terrible at time management while the movie ITSELF spirals out to an unwieldy two hours long. 

    Insane film. Only disappointment was that at the end she didn’t pitch a Kissing Booth video game to USC.

  • Class Action

    Class Action



  • The Swan Princess: Princess Tomorrow, Pirate Today!

    The Swan Princess: Princess Tomorrow, Pirate Today!

    Congrats on this existing I guess. Or not.

  • Hysterical



    very dum, but blood-spattered Bud Cort kills it

  • Jetsons: The Movie

    Jetsons: The Movie


    Even for its time, remarkably drab. Stays true to the cartoon TV show, which was already solely whisper-thin caricatures built around catchphrases and goofy sight gags. There really are some toxic undercurrents to the Jetsons' family dynamics, and it's easy to see why they resisted revival for 25+ years after this-- despite the space age sleekness and the simplicity of their design, there is absolutely nothing going on underneath the hood with these characters.

    I remember there being a controversy at the time about pop star Tiffany voicing Judy Jetson. A portent of many unpleasant celebrity voice actors to come.

  • A Royal Scandal

    A Royal Scandal


    Begins as witty and enjoyable fluff but tapers off quickly. Preminger's direction is pretty limp, often sticking to basic blocking and simple two-shots, sucking the energy out of the film.

    There's a lot of typical Lubitsch themes-- foolhardiness of unwavering patriotism, the weakness of professed masculinity, the immutability of power-- but it kind of feels like old hat at this point, undercut by the sluggish direciton. The best character combos-- Bankhead/Baxter/Price-- get the least amount of screen time, and that's a shame too.

  • Parisian Pleasures

    Parisian Pleasures


    Genuinely one of the worst musical scores for a silent picture I've ever heard. As for the film, Baker's short bits are fun, but you really need an academic interest in it or just be an avowed kitsch fanatic to make it through the rest.

  • Life of the Party

    Life of the Party


    As a librarian, I strongly discourage people from having sex in the stacks, though I can't blame anyone taking any opportunity they can to get freaky with zeitgeist sexy midwest mom Melissa McCarthy.

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

    Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

    They really Poochie'd the shit out of Jack Sparrow here.

  • Holmes & Watson

    Holmes & Watson

    I guess it's a decade too late to postulate this as a one joke Funny or Die sketch that spiraled out of control, but, yeah, that's what it is.

  • PAW Patrol: The Movie

    PAW Patrol: The Movie


    I processed a lot of grief while watching Paw Patrol: The Movie. I cried a lot too.

    The last movie I saw in a movie theater was in February 2020, when I took my darling 3 year old daughter to see Frozen II, one of those movies that wears its troubled production history so broadly on its shoulder that it may as well appeared as factoids via pop-up video during the movie. Less than a month later I was at…

  • Mickey Mouse Clubhouse: Mickey's Monster Musical

    Mickey Mouse Clubhouse: Mickey's Monster Musical


    Mickey, Minnie and Pluto get lost and stuck at Count Mickula's House, with a bunch of analogues to the usual clubhouse gang floating and haunting about. Not particularly noteworthy, but I saw it!