• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

    Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

    ★★★★

    the way my friends and i love harry potter so much but in such a subversive hot girl way and not in a cringey millenial way

  • Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam

    Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam

    ★★★★★

    the amount of effort they put into trying to trick us into thinking meaghan jette martin is not the worst dancer to ever appear in a musical is literally HILARIOUS, trying to spot her in every dance number is my absolute favourite game. and for what? she can’t act either, her singing is just mediocre, and her overall mean girl vibe is not that convincing. what did she do to get such a big role in these movies? make it make sense. positively AMAZING film though, and the rest of the cast is actually really talented

  • tick, tick...BOOM!

    tick, tick...BOOM!

    ★★★½

    god all the button ups andrew wears in this…its difficult to remember that this is even a movie outside of his performance

  • Spy Kids

    Spy Kids

    ★★★★

    pivotal cinematic achievement in body horror, surrealism, art house, camp, action, and comedy, all in addition to being the most accurate depiction of a sibling dynamic ever put to screen

  • Run Lola Run

    Run Lola Run

    ★★★★½

    i wish every movie i watched was more like this one. absolutely humiliated for every film that has done like a quarter as much as this one despite having twice the runtime.

  • Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

    Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

    ★★★½

    order of the phoenix main slays:
    1. harry's blue ringer tee
    2. department of mysteries set
    3. the score
    4. having friends

  • Ant-Man

    Ant-Man

    ★★★

    when we as a society forget that super hero movies should just be really wacky above all else, that's when we lose

  • Spider-Man: No Way Home

    Spider-Man: No Way Home

    ★★★★½

    there should be something similar to the bechdel test but instead a movie passes if the men cry, hug, or say they love each other. this movie passes.

  • Maze Runner: The Death Cure

    Maze Runner: The Death Cure

    ★★

    i know that the YA dystopia genre is not necessarily known for its originality but this was on a full other level of rip off. would've made such a great drinking game to drink every time a trope/character/set/anything was pulled directly from another franchise. however, the maze runner does have two distinct things going for it: action scenes and homoeroticism. so one star for each of those. glad i FINALLY made it to the end of this trilogy.

  • Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

    Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

    ★★★½

    the horny teen drama in this one is SO GOOD but unfortunately the overall plot is the worst in the whole series i think, and i'm still not over the haircuts.

  • The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    ★★½

    so much worse than the first one, with all the same problems as it except everyone is having like 100x less fun. and dane dehaan gives literally one of the worst performances i've ever seen. however can't make myself give this a failing grade overall because of the overwhelming homoeroticism, plus i think the few moments that work are really awesome.

  • The Amazing Spider-Man

    The Amazing Spider-Man

    ★★★★

    unabashed camp the entire time. scenes with andrew garfield and emma stone were literally too intimate, like i actually felt as though i was intruding and it made me craaaaaaazy. i think my favourite part is that gwen stacy wears a miniskirt and knee high boots literally everywhere she goes including high school and the science lab she works at.