Jeanne Dielman, 23, Quai du Commerce 1080 Bruxelles

Jeanne Dielman, 23, Quai du Commerce 1080 Bruxelles ★★★★★

As I am typing this, I am currently having carpal tunnel syndrome on both hands. So, not being able to do anything forced me to find something to occupy my ADHD-brain with.

And yet, I chose this film. On paper, this should be a nightmare for me who has ADHD and therefore continously losing focus. Yeah, I did lost focus few times. But I spent more time focusing.

Because this is just what people call, life

As I have mentioned in my Melancholia (2011) review, I had a bad breakup that resulted in a months-long grief in 2015. What I did not talk about was how my days went.

In the days following it, it was all mundane. Nothing exciting, just me at home, doing chores, and occasional succumbs to dark thoughts and depression. My routine was boring, but it might have helped me to become numb from the pain. I've become more numb to anything thanks to everyday of boring, mundane life. I've begun to think that being at home, in dreary life is comfort. Better than the scary world of the outside. (No, I am NOT being a Hikikomori)
But it's the reason why I am still alive to this day. I found comfort in dreariness. Dreariness lets me revert to a place where nothing changes. Even when i succumb to dark thoughts, nothing bad will happen.

Repetition brings comfort when variance brings pain.

Such is the life of Jeanne Dielman. Boring, mundane life. The same routine, perfection, attention to detail.

Until things goes out of the line. Her details disappears.

A potato drops, a shoe drops, a button is gone and you can't replace it, Foods getting overcooked, usual coffee tastes bad, your favourite table at the cafe is occupied, your favourite waitress isn't there. And you felt pleasure from the job that wasn't meant to give you pleasure.

Your comfort zone changes, but.....your life is being taken away.

In the last minute, we see her life being taken away. For a person whose love and happiness got taken away previously, this is an unwelcome change.

Now, how would you reclaim your comfort zone?

And what would you do when Variance brings pain?

Weeks ago, I attempted to add variance in my dreary work-from-home life by doing fun drawings. All it did was giving me Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Maybe it's my body screaming "No, I don't want this. Stay living a mundane life, please"
While it will go away, I wonder, is variance in life an 'invasion' to comfort?

And days before I wrote this, my life suddenly changed for the worse drastically, in a way that i'll be losing my current comfortable mundane life. I don't want to lose it. Let's hope that I won't lose it. Again, I wonder, are changes in life an 'invasion' to comfort?

Maybe the answer should remain unanswered. As long as we all stay at home, staying true to our dreary life as comfort from a pandemic.

[Long write-up coming soon to my spinoff-blog focusing on depressing write-ups "The Celluloid Confessional"]

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