• The Empty Man

    The Empty Man

    ★★★½

    I went years not knowing what a tulpa was, than I watched the third season of Twin Peaks and was bludgeoned with the concept and here I am again getting just clobbered. I didnt learn anything, I refuse.

    Way too long but if it were any shorter it would be total nonsense.

    The wettest whispering.

  • The First Wave

    The First Wave

    ★★★★

    Harrowing watch, medical staff living a nightmare daily. If you won't get vaccinated to protect others etc: go suck hard on Trump's catheter you stupid moron clown, pee will protect you.

  • Under Siege

    Under Siege

    ★★★★

    I will scarf down every Die Hard knockoff from this period and ask for more, I will never be sated.

  • Poison Ivy

    Poison Ivy

    ★½

    Photo of ET Drew Barrymore sitting at a table with Tom Skerrit at Studio 54.

  • Macbeth

    Macbeth

    ★★★½

    Another cold and gloomy adaptation of Macbeth. I put this on after watching the bare bones version Joel Coen just put out and almost had a stroke when it opened with some Bravehart style battle.

    Letterboxd ... is a tale
    Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
    Signifying nothing.

  • Exit Wounds

    Exit Wounds

    ★★

    Steven Seagall stands in place and has the badguys run at him and god help you if you make him break a sweat. DMX not being the biggest asshole on set lol

    Steven Seagall characters cannot have normal human names.

    The insult of having your city standing in for Detroit.

    I saw this when it first came out in theaters and the only thing I remembered was Anthony Anderson hooting at boobies being mushed against glass - nothing has changed since then.

    The stars are only for Tom Arnold and Anthony's talk show over the credits taunting us with the fun we could've had

  • Class of 1999

    Class of 1999

    ★★

    It's a real shame Lester couldn't bring the same energy he brought into Class of 1984, this could've been something great. Yeah everyone looks absolutely ridiculous and the cast is stacked with B Movie royalty but there is nothing here, it is very boring.

  • Ninja III: The Domination

    Ninja III: The Domination

    ★★★

    A ninja is killed by the police and possesses a woman to get revenge by uhhh having sex with one and doing a bunch of heinous shit with V8. V8 is gross enough!

  • The Tragedy of Macbeth

    The Tragedy of Macbeth

    ★★★★½

    Macbeth on Fire

    Stripped down and striking, incredible cinematography. The witches have never been done better, they're terrifying. I'd love to compare them to the original depictions on stage at the Globe (fat little Englishman with 4 teeth, caked in pancake makeup with a mop on his head OY IM A WITCH)

    I've had a free trial to Apple TV+ for 6 months that ends in a week, this is the only thing I've watched on it.

  • The Seventh Curse

    The Seventh Curse

    ★★★★

    A skeleton and a man kungfu fight and I believed every second of it. Short, sweet sticky gooey ooey adventure.

  • Doctor X

    Doctor X

    ★★★½

    Everyone talked like a Three Stooges short waiting to break out in the 30s. The doctors plan to solve the murders is so convoluted the actual killer just stumbles into it. Great pre-code Hollywood before all the fun got sucked out of movies for awhile.

  • Zeder

    Zeder

    ★★★

    If you go in expecting this to not be a zombie movie you're in for a treat. It looks great, it's kinda cheating filming around Italy - I like looking at Italian architecture like an old person. Just doing the hand gestures hooting mangia mangia like some asshole. Unfortunately, thanks to the poster you see on this page I went into this expecting a zombie movie.

    Sometimes dead ... is bettuh