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  • Black Rain

    Black Rain

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Aka Bring Me The Head of Andy Garcia

  • Escape Clause

    Escape Clause

    ★★

    This was fascinatingly bad, hilarious even, and it had absolutely zero business clocking in at 99 minutes (slowly started to feel the fade after the first hour).

    📼There are at least three too many threads (+ their wacky subthreads) going on at once and at all times for a DTV movie production this threadbare.
    (Yes, Virginia, There Is A Boom Mic In The Shot.)

    🎩A cartoonish villain ties a screaming victim to train tracks and of course in the path…

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  • Would You Rather

    Would You Rather

    ★★½

    "Hold up. Is all this necessary? I mean, couldn't you help all of us? Why does this have to be a game?"

    Allegorical AF.

  • Eden Lake

    Eden Lake

    I don't know how to rate this just yet.

    Should I rate it as I would've 8 years ago when this was a sub-subgenre I semi-rabidly sought out and was genuinely exhilarated by? ⭐⭐⭐⭐

    OR

    Should I rate it by my experience trying to watch this film as it plunged my mood down through my intestines, past a churned, digested-ish egg-quinoa sandwich and right out my asshole? ⭐⭐

    Aside(s) :

    For years, I heard that this was "beyond bleak" and…