The Happening

The Happening ★★★½

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

The one where Marky Mark has good vibrations with a plastic plant.

I only found out today that this was supposed to be a B movie homage and now it makes a hell of a lot more sense. Mark Wahlberg being miscast as a science teacher, his horrific delivery of lines, the unintentional hilarity (or intentional? The world may never know..), the apocalyptic heavy-handed environmental message, and the purple mood ring. It's enough to make me thirsty for lemon drink. It's a shame people were so caught up in it being Shymalanadingdong's first R-rated film and expecting a horror movie with a twist. I could very well see this being a cult classic like Troll 2 had it been advertised correctly. (Not that it's anywhere near as brilliantly bad as Troll 2.) My rating would go up at least half a star if I watched it with a group of fans who delighted in it as it should be delighted in.

So what's happening now in New York? People are freezing in place, walking backwards, and randomly killing themselves in mass quantities. The usual. But wait... could it be a terrorist plot? An attack using an airborne neurotoxin? What!?!... No! The unknown threat is moving across the east coast, even to rural Pennsylvania!

Elliot Moore and his wife Alma along with friend Julian and his 8-year old daughter Jess hop a train hoping to outrun this crazy happening. But, alas, they cannot. It seems the threat is environmental in nature. It's every man, woman, and child for themselves! Can you believe how crappy people are? The moral of the story is: You should care what happened to the bees.

At its core, The Happening is a study in human nature.

And, Mark, you can buy cough syrup from me any time. Superfluous or not.

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