• Read or Die

    Read or Die

    ★★★★★

    Read or Die is a never-ending rollercoaster of palpable energy and supremely wonderful ingenuity. Thanks to my old man (who finally got back into reviewing films), this hidden masterwork blew my mind when I was still wet behind the ears regarding the genre as a whole.

    In a world both modern yet filled with steampunk/clockpunk technology there exists an organization. It’s essentially MI6 if it was cooler and some of their operatives had amazing abilities. One such agent is “The…

  • Willy's Wonderland

    Willy's Wonderland

    ★★★½

    This movie accurately captures the euphoria of clocking out of your bullshit job for a well-earned break.

  • Gamera vs. Guiron

    Gamera vs. Guiron

    ★★★★

    A Walk Amongst Monsters #17

    This 5th installment of the Gamera series might just be the weirdest and goofiest of them all.

    Two boys, one Japanese and one American (to draw in that sweet U.S. market), discover a spaceship and somehow manage to get stuck on it as it hurtles towards its own planet. Luckily the #1 friend to all children, that lovable flying turtle, chases after them.

    Once they reach the planet it seems pretty cool. Futuristic technology and…

  • Nigel the Psychopath

    Nigel the Psychopath

    ★★★½

    Just think how cool it would’ve been to be one of the kids in this movie. You and some other neighborhood children delivering flubbed lines and getting murdered on a weekend day sounds like a bucket full of fun.

    It shows too. Everyone is clearly having a blast making this, it must’ve been a enjoyable time. At one point Nigel musters out some maniacal laughter only for it to turn into genuine laughter as he walks towards the camera. You…

  • Wet Wilderness

    Wet Wilderness

    ★★

    Leave it to no-budget, independent 70’s porn to be utterly depraved yet completely lifeless.

    Everyone (including the women) is hairy, it runs under an hour, the porn is awkward and dull (probably due to everyone being a first-timer), but at least there’s a ski-masked slasher with an awful ADR voice. 

    The actual sex scenes range from interracial to rape to incest, so average 70’s fare. It is the first time I’ve seen a porno include vaginal penetration with machete so props for that. 

    Music by Melvin Devil

  • De:vadasy

    De:vadasy

    ★★★½

    The best thing Neon Genesis Evangelion ever did was spawn an entire subgenre of entertaining rip-offs.

    Especially the inexplicably horny ones.

  • Lonely Water

    Lonely Water

    ★★★★

    Man, nothing could fuck with a kids psyche like old PSAs. None of this sensible shit, these wanted to traumatize you.

    Donald Pleasance becomes the voice of death as kids drown in “lonely waters”. 90 seconds of chilling horror that’ll make any kid stay away from a deep puddle.

  • Murder by Death

    Murder by Death

    ★★★★★

    “You're good, Charleston. You're not my kind of cop, but you're smart and you smell good.”

    One of the best 70’s comedies I’ve ever seen. Easily my favorite parody too. This is just so full of fast-paced, witty dialogue and plenty of looney tunes level visual gags, you’re never bored. The laughs per minute ratio is legendary.

    “I never did nothin' to a man that I wouldn't do to a woman.”

    Not to mention that stacked cast! Columbo, Obi-Wan Kenobi,…

  • Bloodsucking Freaks

    Bloodsucking Freaks

    ★★★½

    A true middle finger to critics and censor-happy offended moviegoers, Bloodsucking Freaks aims to be as utterly sleazy and offensive as possible and largely succeeds.

    Brain smoothies, topless ballet, nude cannibals, human dartboards, a penile hoagie, and more frame by frame nudity than the movie knows what to do with!

    It’s all a farce that wholly refuses to take itself even a little seriously. Seeing this still shock people on Letterboxd decades after the fact brings a smile to my face.

  • Conton

    Conton

    ★★★½

    Fuzzy, washed-out V-cinema fuckery. There’s goo, gore, a bumpin soundtrack, and a story that follows the V-cinema logic of “who cares if it makes any sense”.

    The flow of the story and the 45 minute runtime make stretches of this a bit of a chore to sit through. Cut this down to a solid 30 minutes and you’ve got a kickass onslaught to the senses.

    Regardless, stuff like a sink full of vomit growing a face with a xenomorph tongue…

  • Junk Films

    Junk Films

    Impossible to rate. Not because I can’t think of one, but because whatever rating I give it won’t sit right with me.

    Junk Films is completely plotless, just disjointed short films of human death that leave you empty. It’s shocking and very grotesque at times, but the raw and unflinching footage of mangled car wrecks and human pyres is committed to showing us an unwavering look at the reality of death.

    Certain segments cut to the nerve of what fucked…

  • Galaxy of the Dinosaurs

    Galaxy of the Dinosaurs

    ★★★½

    A group of humans pretending to be aliens crash land in the desolate woods of Ohio… sorry, crash land on planet Gurgon only to come face to face with stock footage from 1977’s Planet of the Dinosaurs. This is true no-budget ingenuity folks.

    Made in three days with a budget of around 1500$ (which probably went to the only actual practical effect the movie has) this screams z-grade nonsense and it most certainly is! It’s full on camp with zany…