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  • Klown

    Klown

    ★★★

    WRONG.

  • Battleship

    Battleship

    ★★

    Fucking hell, went to see this last night out of boredom. It's basically Michael Bay does Independence Day. I'm pretty sure the only thing Berg contributed to the film was the Southern rock soundtrack.

    Liam Neeson is only in it for about three minutes total, which sounds like a spoiler, but it really isn't.

    Oh, and the third act turn is so eye-rollingly stupid, the entire audience had to be treated for ocular trauma after.

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  • Starship Troopers

    Starship Troopers

    ★★★★★

    Oh, Starship Troopers, let me count the ways I love you:
    * That poor cow.
    * The greatest Space opera in the last 15 years
    * The [CENSORED] brain probe moment.
    * Doogie Howser, Space Nazi
    * "They sucked out his BRAINS!"

    5. It's 5 ways. Do you want to know more?

  • TRON: Legacy

    TRON: Legacy

    ★★½

    When I first saw the shaky-cam YouTube video featuring 6,500 geeks roaring their guts out with delight and surprise as the TR2N (as it was then known) trailer unexpectedly played at the end of a Disney Comic-Con panel in 2008, I actually started crying. A deep nostalgic wound opened up - I remembered bunking off school to go and see Tron at the cinema with my dad. I remembered feeling hot tears when I accidently broke my replica light cycle…