Jizzmonkey

Jizzmonkey

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Date determiner for the Annunciation of the Walsky movable feast.

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  • The Lincoln Lawyer

    The Lincoln Lawyer

    The world's most consistently beautiful woman (Marisa Tomei, obviously) turns in an admirable performance, but keeps her clothes on, therefore failing to save this most boring film.

  • The Fighter

    The Fighter

    A film about the importance of family, even if they're literally the craziest motherfuckers to ever grace God's green earth.

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  • The Glass Castle

    The Glass Castle

    We watched this for Jizz family movie night, and discussing it afterward the general consensus was that poor people shouldn't be allowed to breed. I've been painted as the family liberal, so I did my bit and upheld the right of poor people to breed but only under the strict supervision and occasional practical involvement of an interested rich person. I'm particularly enamored of this idea, and feel it needs to be enacted into law. It's not often I can be bothered using my vast wealth and good name for the benefit of humanity. But in this instance I feel I should really go for it.

  • The Tall Guy

    The Tall Guy

    Jeff Goldblum tries it on with Emma Thompson, and much hilarity unfolds.

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  • Catch Me If You Can

    Catch Me If You Can

    ★★★★★

    Five stars. Do you concur?

  • Interstellar

    Interstellar

    Holy hell this is bad. It's like a moron schooled an imbecile in "space stuff" (wormholes! 5 dimensions! um yeh, space stuff!), making sure to add Hollywood-engendered emotional bullet points, and with a ridiculous "Earth (ie, small-town America) can only grow corn and there's lots of dust" backstory thrown in for good measure. The music consists of two notes played over and over by a delinquent hamster. The ending is trash, varying between nonsense and sentimentality - but really this…