Sometimes I watch movies. Please don't mistake me for someone who knows what they're talking about.

Favorite films

  • Heat
  • Y Tu Mamá También
  • The Big Lebowski
  • The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Recent activity

  • Christine


  • Uncut Gems


  • Dirty Work


  • Drunken Master


Recent reviews

  • Dirty Work

    Dirty Work


    A *delightfully* stupid parade of hilarious scumbaggery. This is exactly what would come out if you broke open a vial containing the essence of the year 1998. I've never been this sad while snort-laughing my ass off like I'm 12 years old. Godspeed, Norm.

  • Malignant



    I'm not really much of a James Wan head. I weirdly just let the Conjuring series pass me by, and beyond the first (and MAYBE the second for weird high school nostalgia reasons) I don't really have a lot of patience for Saw. But seeing all the "this is bonkers" reviews, spoiler warnings, etc, I couldn't help but give this a shot. And, well, holy shit. What a wild ride. Somehow Malignant manages to be both self-serious shlock AND goofy…

Popular reviews

  • Re-Animator



    The third act of Re-Animator, own its own, is better than most horror flicks. It's an unhinged, visceral, repulsive saga that kicks it up yet another fucking notch every time you think it's reached its peak. This is exactly what I wish every cheese-oozing B movie was like. The camp is palpable (I GAVE HIM LIFE!) but not embarassing, the gore is that special kind of I-can't-chew-my-food-without-thinking-about-blood-and-guts level disgusting, and the cast, particularly Jeffrey Combs, is an absolute delight.


  • The Thing

    The Thing


    Goddamn unparalleled in nearly every regard - and maaaaaybe just a little underrated in terms of its sheer Guys-Being-Dudes-ness. The defibrillator scene through to "I'd rather not spend the rest of the winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING COUCH" might be my favorite half hour in any horror movie. Or, fuck it, just any movie.