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  • The Guest

    The Guest

    ★★

    Hello and welcome to my Ted Talk on how to con people into thinking your bland shitty movie is a self-aware 80s homage:

    Step 1. Add neon lights.

    Step 2. Add shitty synth score (people will think it's good just by virtue of being a synth score).

    Step 3. Profit.

  • Godzilla vs. Kong

    Godzilla vs. Kong

    ★★★

    2003 movies are still alive and I love it!

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  • Christmas in New York

    Christmas in New York

    ★★★★★

    This film is my Black Panther. This movie empowered me. It helped me get over my rejection from the female known as Veronica who’d rather date a Chad instead of a true gentelmen who would treat her well. Amazing cinematography and great direction from Orlando Corradi, who was fortunately moved on from artsy-fartsy hipster trash like Legend of the Titanic. Films like the Christmas in New York are true art that often get misunderstood by filthy normies who watch Home Alone movies instead of challenging, thought-provoking kino like Simba Jr. Goes to NY and the World Cup.

  • Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom

    Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom

    ★★★★

    Uh oh 🙈 Stinky! Poop 💩 hahahahaha 😂 Poopies 💩 Funny poopies alalalahahaha 😂😂 Funny poop 💩🤣 Poop funny 🤣 Weeeeee 😆😆 Haha yay more poopy💩 Good poopy 👍 Poopy funny 😆 hahahahaha 🤣 poo 💩 poo 💩 poo💩poo💩poo💩poo💩poo💩 funny 😂 Yay fun poop 😆💩 hehehe poo 💩 Poopy 💩 yay poop make me happy 😊 happy 😊 happy 😊 hahahahahahaaa 🤣 uh oh 🙈 I think I made a poopy 💩 Poop in pants no diaper 👖 That's funny 😂 hahahaha 😂😂 Oopsie 🙈 Poopy underwear now 💩💩 hehehehe 😂 We want poopies! We want poopies! 💩💩💩 hahahahaha🤣hahhahahhaaa🤣 Poo💩 cough POO!😆😆😆😆😆😆😆💩💩💩💩💩💩💩