Daisies

discussion of possibly triggering topics below

as a woman, i am ravenous.

part of being a girl is having an insatiable appetite you are always told to hide. don't eat so much. don't be so loud. don't giggle like that- it's annoying and unattractive. don't take up so much space. be smaller and quieter and you might be okay. be good and hard-working and you will be happy.

i stepped on that stupid scale so many times. i hated looking at my reflection in the mirror because all I could see for so long was someone who should be so thin that they could disappear. at what point during my teen years was i not thinking that i just wanted to stuff my face and grin at the world and laugh at men who thought they knew me. at no point during my teen years did i tell myself that sometimes i didn't have to be good. what did it matter?

womanhood is brash and bold and colorful. i am tired of pretending that it has to live in small spaces so that others won't be uncomfortable. i am grateful film-makers like chytilova chose to make themselves seen. with anger and laugher and brightness and fury and humor and warmth and all the parts that they had been told to suppress.

i want to see that reflection in the mirror now. i'm still working on it.

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