jacobstertz has written 11 reviews for films rated ★★ .

  • Fear Street: 1978

    Fear Street: 1978

    ★★

    So she was stabbed repeatedly in the side, hitting what I’m guessing is her kidney, and homeboy brings her back with some trash CPR? C’mon now…

  • The Tomorrow War

    The Tomorrow War

    ★★

    Looks very good but either the studio or the director made some very questionable story choices. For example, they spend most of the movie trying to make the fictitious alien/future scenario seem believable and —after 45 minutes of that and limited action— have Pratt’s character cracking jokes moments after he witnesses a couple hundred people get got by what looks like a cross between the Quiet Place monster and the season 2 Stranger Things monster. Also, Pratt’s six pack was CGI’d— don’t @ me.

  • Striptease

    Striptease

    ★★

    So, the crux of the the story is that the judge gave parental rights to the father because he was “the best tailback this state has ever seen.”

  • The Peacemaker

    The Peacemaker

    ★★

    This was just straight up not very good. Cloon-job is annoying and kidwoman is very sub-par. I think everyone can agree that “weapons of mass destruction” doesn’t need to make it in any film ever again.

  • The Cutting Edge

    The Cutting Edge

    ★★

    Some of the worst dialogue I’ve ever come across.

  • Mortal Kombat

    Mortal Kombat

    ★★

    Liu Kang’s hair tho... every party girl from the 80’s would have given up mini skirts and neon for that shit. And his flawless skin? Well, they did too much coke and drank too much to care about that... just use more make-up and smile more— dudes don’t really care anyway.

  • Hillbilly Elegy

    Hillbilly Elegy

    ★★

    The movie equivalent to the smell of dog farts.

  • Bombshell

    Bombshell

    ★★

    Some strong ladies. Very strong performances.

  • Borat Subsequent Moviefilm

    Borat Subsequent Moviefilm

    ★★

    Wawaweewa, McDonald Trump, and opening up bottles of beer with the “small hole” will all become part of my daily vocabulary. 

    Is there an argument for the intelligence and deliberateness of this Borat? Melania as a major role model in a “golden cage” for young women around the world, Pence on the corona virus “we’re ready for anything” then he’s fired by Borat, and most significantly the capitalist society that would allow Borat to buy a antisemitic cake, a cage to put his daughter in, plastic surgery to better have his underage daughter “sex attacked,” etc. 

    I guess that’s an argument...

  • The Standoff at Sparrow Creek

    The Standoff at Sparrow Creek

    ★★

    Meretricious when it could have done so much...

  • Triumph of the Spirit

    Triumph of the Spirit

    ★★

    Even after the movie is over Willem Dafoe continues to mess with me— I really gotta correct autocorrect for your first and last name?