jacobstertz has written 23 reviews for films rated ★★½ .

  • As I Lay Dying

    As I Lay Dying


    Appreciate going at the novel and subject matter and see where he’s coming from with the split screen and other devices, but what in the actual f*ck, Franco?

  • Those Who Wish Me Dead

    Those Who Wish Me Dead


    Really missing something that other Sheridan movies seem to have a lot of. It looks incredible and Jolie isn’t terrible, but the story is “Swiss cheese” as the kids say.

  • Message in a Bottle

    Message in a Bottle


    If not for Robin Wright this would have been grossly too long. They for sure went for it in a heavy handed way which is respectable. The Edwin McCain “I could not ask for more” during the end credits was a nice touch and very 1999.

  • Polytechnique



    It’s hard to look past the topic matter and see the film. Should we? Is it profiting from horrendous acts? Is the soliloquy at the end any form of resolution? Is something like never giving the killer’s name a strong enough concession?

  • Body of Evidence

    Body of Evidence


    Aptly titled. I’m just happy it wasn’t titled Bodily Fluid Evidence and the movie that would have been...

  • Valentine's Day

    Valentine's Day


    It just sort of kept going and people did stuff and some people talked. But in the end I’ll watch anything with Julia Roberts— she’s pretty much a smoke show. Lastly, this must have been a nightmare to schedule.

  • Lady Snowblood

    Lady Snowblood


    Good use of the freeze frame. Bad use of fake blood, and what was that business with the hair hanging out the barrel rolling down the hill lol?

    I can see the merits of this one but ultimately not my cup of tea— too good to be comical, but not good enough to be taken seriously. I’m also not a huge fan of Kill Bill and this is very obviously a HUGE influence on it.

  • Ain't Them Bodies Saints

    Ain't Them Bodies Saints


    Just sort of problematic or misses its notes. For example, the music is good but it’s just out of place in a lot of scenes or Rooney Mara’s acting is emotionally strong but her accent is down right off-putting or the dialogue has moments that wow but other moments that are truly wtf. The actual cinematography is certainly nice to look at and the set designs certainly add to that; the lighting is very on point in all scenes but…

  • The Tin Drum

    The Tin Drum


    Why? What was the point of that? How did it share the palm d’or with Apocalypse Now? Who thought it’d be a good idea to have a child -with adults mostly- in sex scenes? Were there any redeemable characters besides Markus the toy making Jew? They really have to kill Roswitha because she wanted a cup of coffee? Truly some disgusting shit in about every other scene. 

    Certainly an original film but, as I said, what for?

  • Tenet



    “Hey, Chris, you like physics?” 
    "Why yes, I rather enjoy the ramificational properties in the interlocution of the physical world with mathematics in reference to the time/space continuum" 
    Hollywood: “here’s 60 million (edit:205 million) and make sure to make it incomprehensible like the others.”  

    And for his next film, Nolan is just going to put Bobert Pattinson in front of a stainless steel wall with the shadow of a clock on it.

  • Heaven Knows What

    Heaven Knows What


    That’s certainly one way to get your foot in the door... not really sure if the trauma porn is necessary or the best way to help the drug epidemic, if that is what they were trying to do. Arielle, the lead and writer of the memoir the film is based, is said to have entered a rehab in Florida after filming ended — so that’s positive and hopeful... 

    Overall, it certainly will make any viewer feel a certain way and…

  • W.



    “Iran is not Iraq and Iraq is not Iran.” Well said, Georgie; just an elite ability with the poetics of the English language. 

    Another gem: “Jeb’s not me and I’m not Jeb, Papì.” 

    I don’t particularly care for Stone, Brolin or George Bush. Shouldn’t have been surprised this movie didn’t land with me. Some good humor and well shot scenes save it from being an absolute piece of trash.