Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri ½

I don't think I've ever said this about a film, but if you like Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, I'll genuinely think a little less of you. Sorry, that's just the way it is.

An absolute tonal catastrophe. Comedy isn't some kooky Seth Rogen-penned character in Samara Weaving making hollywood-daft-bubbly-young-girl remarks while Frances McDormand is being strangled against a wall. Comedy isn't dialogue about how you should say people of colour torturing as opposed to n-word torturing. Comedy is not "hahaha SMALL PEOPLE".

So what is Billboards then if it's not a comedy? It's a rotting toxic slab of blue-lives-matter wankery. Here we are, supposed to be sympathetic of these racist, homophobic vile cops because "they're good in the end!!!! they're just angry men!!!!"

It's very, very interesting that the only redemption stories here are given to America's Finest™. Frances McDormand is painted as furious and hollow, but guess what they think of Sam Rockwell? A brave hero, of course!

And Martin McDonagh, if that's not your intention, why does it seem so fucking apparent that it is?

I can just smell the type of people who will fall over themselves for this shite. I can see the reviews now. Buzzwords of "subversive", "tragic", "unique" and the redundant film teen's favourite: "black comedy".

You thought mother! had deep problems? Good fucking god. I almost felt like I had to apologise to Aronofsky while I was watching this.

It 'flawlessly balances tragedy and comedy' does it? The only thing tragic here is its exuberant praise, of which it doesn't deserve just because it's a bad film (though rest assured, it absolutely is), but because of its absolutely fucking grim attitude. I don't care what its intention is, I know what's been given to me. Boycott this fucking mess.

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