Tenet ★★★★½

“Don’t try to understand it.
Feel it”

To have a great time, I would recommend paying incredibly close attention to everything or, just don’t. Much of the dialogue is indiscernible, the dialogue that is is all exposition about temporal mechanics, but the fun part is, it doesn’t matter at all! Because as soon as you start thinking about the logistics of a reversible bullet, you realize just how stupid and unreliable that technology would be.

Dunkirk ripped apart structure for a more cinematic experience, Tenet does the same for plot and character. So for people like me who watch Inception and find the “emotional core” phony because the characters all act like robots and are named shit like Dom Cobb and Mol Cobb, you’ll dig Tenet. In fact...if you don’t like Nolan anymore because he appeals to guys who used to beat you up in grade school, just think of this and Dunkirk as experimental films. Because they kinda are.

It’s annoying that Nolan is so insistent on releasing this specifically to theaters 10 years after his big “I AM NOLAN THIS IS MY SHIT” original blockbuster, but, and I hate to sound like a douche, this will just not play at home at all. Like one of my favorite movies of last decade, Mandy, you have to be swallowed by the image and deafened by the sound to really feel the thing. It’s stupid I know, but, the proof is in the pudding. Just try and show someone Mandy for the first time on the small screen at mid-volume. They’ll never watch anything you suggest again.

It’s truly fucked up that DirectorBot1000, Christopher Nolan, is showing his true auteur(capitalist) colors, demanding people die for the theatrical experience rather than the economy, but y’all are seriously playing if you out here saying he doesn’t make movies specifically for, one, to be played on the big screen and those deafening speakers, and two, that provoke a biological reaction that turns all language from the viewer into screams like the pilot in Galaxy Quest

I understand the inclination to want to turn people away to like, save lives, but all the sites refusing to publish a review, I can’t help but call bullshit because YOU WATCHED THE MOVIE, ASSHOLE. And if you’re one of those truly brave souls who says Nolan is an objectively bad filmmaker, you’re also most likely the same kind of person who says Lebron ain’t shit. In which case, you’re just being willfully ignorant. Skill is skill.

So if you don’t want to see a movie with no “characters” or “story” or “relatable stakes”...that’s actually totally understandable. If you don’t want to get or spread the Coronavirus, I get that also. But if you wanna see Big Thing Go Boom, this movie is for you. And c’mon, you’re kidding yourself if you think this is any more confusing than literally any James Bond movie.

At least we can all agree...there is absolutely no reason a Chris Nolan movie should have a theme song this sexy. And we are better for it.

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