• The Guyver

    The Guyver

    ★★★

    This is well worth watching for the animatronics and practical effects. It has a much wackier sense of humour than I thought it would, too. Everything else is awful - and by that of course I mean fantastic.

  • Michael Clayton

    Michael Clayton

    ★★★

    Loses stars because you never actually see him write Jurassic Park in it.

  • Define Intervention

    Define Intervention

    ★★★★★

    Watched this today for the first time in years. A nice lazy Sunday and it came up in my recommended list. Sure why not?

    What a great film. Just full of clear passion and talent. It's so strange and yet so uniquely human and relatable. It made me go 'Ha!' so many times. The wee guy eating the sandwich is a favourite but there's so much here that rewards repeated viewings.

    It's difficult to create something like this, I'm sure…

  • Starship Troopers

    Starship Troopers

    ★★★★

    It's good. You forget, you know?
    Y'know what I mean?
    There's very little to dislike, is what I'm saying.
    What I'm TRYING to say is that it's good.
    You forget, y'know?

  • Star Trek Into Darkness

    Star Trek Into Darkness

    ★★★

    A real WOW sci-fi blockbuster. I wish it wasn't a Star Trek film. Y'know? Then you'd like it. You'd stop your pish then, I bet. Oh oh oh I bet.

  • Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

    Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

    ★★★★½

    Half star removed for obvious reasons.

  • Host

    Host

    ★★★★

    Here, this was good! A fun hour that doesn't feel cheap and has a few genuinely funny moments. There isn't a ton you haven't seen elsewhere besides the lockdown premise but it's worth your time. I can say that with authority because well, it's you.

  • One Cut of the Dead

    One Cut of the Dead

    ★★★★

    This film falls on its arse in every way possible except for that one central gimmick that makes up for everything and leaves you feeling you didn't waste your time. How many other films can say that? Dog Soldiers? Aye fair enough I like Dog Soldiers.

  • Hannibal

    Hannibal

    ★★

    I'm reasonably sure we saw this on a preview at the cinema on Valentine's Day. What a pair of renegades, man. We will not bow to your societal norms.

    I was so bored today I watched Hannibal and it's fine. It's a much more cartoonish approach than Silence of the Lambs or even Red Dragon but there are some lovely locations, so that's something.

    Is that even something? More than the other Hopkins films, this is definitely the Hannibal you think could be a good laugh. Perhaps you'd get on? Yeah? You think so?

    That's a little arrogant, tbh.

  • RoboCop 3

    RoboCop 3

    ★★★

    This is definitely fine. I mean, it's fine y'know?
    The first RoboCop was a wild, violent masterpiece wrapped up as satire, with the sequel aiming fairly low in that regard. The third film forgets all about satire and just flat out tells us how bad big business is for the working classes and homeless.

    Despite this brash approach it's a much safer film, that you'd probably be fine to show a group of bored pre-teens. Probably. Maybe.

    There's a much…

  • The Invisible Man

    The Invisible Man

    ★★★★

    John DEACON!

    I really enjoyed this. I wish they'd have just done this with The Mummy etc. We don't need the big Monsters to inhabit the same space as action/Marvel films. Make them tense and disturbing with a pinch of 'this could actually happen' and we're set.

    A lot of throat slashing, too. Big on throat slashing, this film.

  • Girl on the Third Floor

    Girl on the Third Floor

    ★★★★

    Not to be crass but this film has a lot of bodily fluids seeping out of walls and they handle each of them just right. I mean, the cum?

    *Chef's kiss*

    ...

    *SPLUTTER*