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  • Pilgrimage

    Pilgrimage

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I’m Celtic Pagan raised extremely Catholic  for context 

    This is like Silence but less good. Set in my holy land, so it had the landscape going for it. I truly hated the lead monk the entire movie he was so toxic, disrespecting the Sidhe (faeries) like that. I appreciated the pagan representation even if they were painted as the enemy. The relic which drives the story (which sings!) was convincing to me because I also believe in magic rocks. Imagine being Jon Bernthal and getting paid for non speaking sexy role. A good period piece overall, well shot and acted.

  • Caveman

    Caveman

    ★★

    I just know the entire cast was on drugs when they made this. It’s at its best with its stop motion  dinosaurs and lizards. Its at its worst when Ringo Starr tries to r@p3 a woman in her sleep and it’s played off for laughs. A trip and a half to one zillion bc

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  • Velvet Buzzsaw

    Velvet Buzzsaw

    ★★★½

    The NERVE of this movie to tell us ten minutes in that Jake Gyllenhaal has a boyfriend only for it to make me watch him have sex with a woman for the whole movie !!

  • After

    After

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Top five moments of this movie that made me SCREAM:
    5) after a half hour of horny buildup only for Hardin to say “I don’t date” and she screams “ArE You FrEAKINg KiDdING mE?!?”
    4) the modest clothing she wore at the beginning of the movie hahaysgsgsbzh
    3) when they were in the bathtub and he traced the words “I love you” on her back and he was like “do you know what I wrote” and she was like “no…