• Jigsaw

    Jigsaw

    astonishing how even BY FAR the worst film in the series can still manage to pull out a cool ending. this series is just so good at the art of the stupid canon-rewriting climax.

  • Saw IV

    Saw IV

    screamed when i realized what was going on. beautifully brilliantly stupid. these films are more plot porn than torture porn, realizing long before the age of interconnected franchises that our brains have a "things in different movies are related to each other in surprising ways" button that's very easy to push. i'm genuinely enjoying these movies more and more as they go on.

  • Saw III

    Saw III

    first one of these i've actually kind of liked. the jigsaw/amanda stuff actually kind of works as a lunatic parody of a touching father/daughter drama. the traps are appreciably grisly too, like they were really unafraid to go crazy on this one. and i was cackling by the end, a twenty-minute barrage of flashbacks (some of them to things that happen within the montage!!) that was as visually incomprehensible as it was obnoxiously expository. then the film pours on a…

  • After Earth

    After Earth

    shyamalan taking his name off the marketing for this makes ppl remember it as sort of an anonymous entry in his filmography (that is certainly how i received it when i first watched it five or so years ago) but i think that's unfair! this movie is a treat, just a really solidly made family sci-fi adventure thing. jaden and will do really good work too. it's so fun to see one of the most likable actors of all time…

  • The Mitchells vs. The Machines

    The Mitchells vs. The Machines

    would an 18 year old in 2020 really fixate so hard on like, a late 00s/early 10s viral video aesthetic? i don't buy it! also enough of the "groundbreaking queer character whose queerness is revealed only at the last possible second" like it's so embarrassing lmao

  • The Last Airbender

    The Last Airbender

    this is the shyamalan i was most nervous about revisiting. i saw its midnight premiere over a decade ago and never again since. even after becoming an m. night fan this was the one i was always hesitant about championing. i remembered it as such a disaster, especially as an adaptation of a show i really loved. turns out: it's really not that bad! the action in particular really sings, shyamalan shoots it all in these wide masters that give…

  • The Father

    The Father

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    first half-hour is genuinely quite incredible, really smart in how it's all a continuous flow rather than cutting harshly around the jumps in time and memory. what if your subjective linear experience of your life seemed out of order to everyone around you? i think it eventually breaks down because it feels the need to do more direct loops back around on itself than it needs. i'd have preferred if it left more moments open-ended, losing itself in anthony's perspective…

  • Decker: Port of Call: Hawaii - The Movie

    Decker: Port of Call: Hawaii - The Movie

    besides the trial this is maybe the peak of the series? the way this devolves from recognizable incompetence to absolute incoherence is so brilliant, pivoting on the incredible bit where a replay of a scene from the first season gets the end-of-episode cliffhanger and gets picked up at the beginning of the next one. beautiful nonsense. i could watch it every day

  • The Happening

    The Happening

    elliot going out to be with alma because he would rather risk death than spend another second separated from her.....................shyamalan really predicted my 2020 experience

  • Lady in the Water

    Lady in the Water

    self-evidently one of m. night's weakest, but if film critics weren't such whiny clueless babies they would have treated it as the unfortunate misfire it is rather than the colossal disaster it isn't. frankly i think he treats the profession too kindly here. having a bewildered character say "how could anyone be so arrogant as to assume they know another person's intentions?" is on the nose, sure, but it's an understandable reaction from an artist who felt he was being…

  • Mortal Kombat

    Mortal Kombat

    bizarrely tame violence most of the time, a whole lot of bloodless punching with the same thwack sound effect over and over. the few moments that it does get nicely gory are just taken right from the games. how do you make a mortal kombat movie that holds back so much? also the effects are hysterically bad. what a trash heap.

  • The Village

    The Village

    normally i think that talking about movies this way is a waste of time but i truly genuinely in my heart of hearts believe that if you don't like this movie it's because you're an idiot