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  • Satantango

    Satantango

    A REVIEW FOR MY #1 FAVORITE FEATURE FILM OF MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE, AND MAYBE FOREVER WITH A 99.95% PROBABILITY.

    Don't read it as a review, but as a magazine article. This is the longest thing I have ever written about one single film, but it is also the only review that made me cry out of sentiment while constructing it.

    Before starting to construct a modest, fully developed essay about Béla Tarr's Sátántangó, let's make a nostalgic resume about some…

  • The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover

    The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover

    ***One of the best 150 films I have ever seen.***

    As any brilliant avant-garde film, Peter Greenaway's absolute masterpiece is an attack to the senses. This attack, however, has the sensual danger of awakening the most primitive instincts of the human being. It has always been interesting to notice Greenaway's past focus on architectonic stillness and provocative imagery with symbolic representations. This film is no exception. Conglomerating bizarre elements and a literally unbeatable sense of humor that abounds in cleverness…

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  • Porky's II: The Next Day

    Porky's II: The Next Day

    ★★★

    It's a step backwards for sure: the whole gang is back, but the cult character is lost. Gone is the raunchy essence and the invigorating American Graffiti vibe. There's not as much chaos and characters do not have arcs anymore. The struggle is academic and fanatic at first, but Clark at least ensures there is enough rebel content to rise against religious fundamentalisms, religion and racist violence of all the sorts. That is why the film feels like consisting of…

  • Porky's

    Porky's

    ★★★★

    I can't believe I just rated this raunchy, raw and explicit comedy 4 stars but the amazing directing is worthy of discussion! Character dynamics are excellently done and transitions are wonderful. The film is in love with itself and loves its own jokes, extending them to extraordinary heights and never shying away, resulting in some of the most memorable scenes of the comedies of the 80s.

    This is an absolutely stellar roller-coaster ride; all the American Pies and countless derivatives…

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  • Love Exposure

    Love Exposure

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    WARNING. The following movie has:

    1) 237 minutes in length
    2) The movie title appearing after one hour of running time
    3) A drag
    4) Tosatsu
    5) Kung-fu
    6) Sex
    7) Genital gore
    8) Ultraviolence
    9) Lesbians
    10) A "Virgin Mary"
    11) Erections
    12) Kung Fu butt-kicking female teens
    13) Psychotic menopausal females
    14) Pornographic furniture
    15) A Joshuu 701-gô: Sasori (1972) tribute with a pinky film spoof character called "Miss Scorpion"
    16) Love
    17) Romance
    18) "Exposure"
    19) Lust…

  • Drive

    Drive

    ★★★★★

    Before you ask, this is not my first Refn movie. In that way, I can know that:

    - He still likes to dress his crooks with light grey pants and have some of them bald, like if they were still living in Denmark.
    - He still uses an awesome techno soundtrack (with some pop touches that I can forgive) to open his films and to close them. The underground nudist dive bars / seedy joints cannot be omitted, of course.…