disneydreamdiary has written 11 reviews for films rated ★½ during 2019.

  • Phantom Thread

    Phantom Thread

    Super Mario:

    • Mushrooms can make Jumpman into Super, mini or bring him back to life

    Phantom Thread:

    • Mushrooms debuff ally defense, cast charm, inflict poison

    Verdict:

    Super Mario: Empowering, life-affirming, feminist, best player triumphs but everyone wins because fun, great gift for your daughter or niece this holiday season

    Phantom Thread: Not empowering, life-affirming or feminist; nobody wins because not fun; "Dad what the fuck is this?" - your daughter on Christmas morning

  • The Irishman

    The Irishman

    Amazing: This Legendary Veteran Director Adapted a Book About Painting Houses Into a Movie That Actually Simulates the Experience of Watching One Dry

  • Ghostbusters

    Ghostbusters

    Are you a true Ghostbusters fan? Take the quiz and find out!

    1. If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call?

    (a) Priest
    (b) Scientist
    (c) Metaphysician
    (d) Ghostbusters

    2. If there's something weird and it don't look good, who you gonna call?

    (a) Matthew 7:1-3
    (b) Quantum theorist
    (c) Aesthetician
    (d) Ghostbusters

    3. I ain't afraid of no __________.

    (a) Echaton
    (b) Entropy
    (c) Aporia
    (d) Ghosts

    4. If you're seeing things running through your head,…

  • Tank Girl

    Tank Girl

    The diverting adventures of a girl and her tank
    of her flight from prison without even a shank
    of the heavy machinery from said prison she ganks
    of her stridently feminist attempts to break rank
    of her perilous, precarious attempts to be dank
    of her body's proportions which are decidedly lank
    of her actress's accent which is unmistakably Yank
    of her overall attitude which is shockingly frank
    of the practical effects which are all a bit jank
    of the design…

  • Pierrot le Fou

    Pierrot le Fou

    Couldn't decide if this was more Pierrot le Four/10 or Pierrot le Two/10 so decided to compromise.

  • Anima

    Anima

    Really just wanted to see Thom dancing through his entire daily routine why did this have to get so abstract and chichi.

  • Tag

    Tag

    Definitely belongs somewhere in the Help I'm Trapped in a Dubiously Feminist Japanese Film! series along with Perfect Blue and Antiporno. The twist might have worked in a video game.

  • The Notebook

    The Notebook

    Really should be called The Handbook and subtitled "How I seduced Alzheimer's patients by reading them terrible male-written romance novels and pretending they were about us," and that narrative would only be slightly more manipulative than this film.

    Unless it was produced exclusively to brainwash elementary school girls and old ladies, I can only guess The Notebook was made for teenage boys who want to pretend it was made for teenage girls, because that's a more comfortable prospect than dealing…

  • Ernest & Celestine

    Ernest & Celestine

    France on their bullshit:

    S'il vous plaît regarder cette animation mignonne nous avons fait! Il s'agit d'un ours et d'une petite souris qui contournent les mœurs sociales pour devenir des amis.

    Me on my bullshit:

    The protracted goal of the Enlightenment was partly to tame the forest within man, but the rules of the forest should still be recognized externally even if not fully reflected internally. Children aren't dumb babies and usually know on some level when they've been had.…

  • The Philadelphia Story

    The Philadelphia Story

    Full review in my upcoming dissertation Female Fantasy: A Geneology of Otome Games from Wuthering Heights to Gone with the Wind.

  • Alita: Battle Angel

    Alita: Battle Angel

    Manga is probably the worst medium for longform narrative next to television. This has nothing whatsoever to do with its artistic esteem and everything to do with the economy: since manga’s business model scales a work’s longevity to its popularity, we rarely see manga that ends before it sucks. Even if a series doesn’t merely succumb to this law of qualitative entropy, it almost always regresses towards the mean, and starts to be about only one thing: a singularity at…