• Cryptozoo

    Cryptozoo

    If you're that bothered about surreal beauty why does your film start with two doodled people graphically fucking and then gorily braining a unicorn. Inventive and original, sure, but completely insufferable.

  • Halloween Kills

    Halloween Kills

    Whenever I watch some dogshit 80s no budget slasher and come away thinking "ah you know what, I had fun, slap three stars on that" there's a part of me wondering whether I've become blind to traditional parameters of quality, so it's a blessed relief when something like Halloween Kills reminds me what real, abject failure looks like. Felt like scrolling through an #FBPE guy's twitter feed for two hours. Treats the entire Halloween saga like it's Harry Potter but…

  • Wrath of Man

    Wrath of Man

    *slaps roof of Man* this bad boy can fit so much wrath in it

    Easily as dumb, pretentious and badly written as Revolver, just in service of things that are fun to watch. Packed with audacious, inexplicable twists that absolutely without question didn't need to happen. Kind of just bits of four different movies haphazardly mashed together. Ritchie is shameless cribbing from Mann with his direction and it honestly suits him pretty well.

    Oh, also: Eddie Marsan does the worst LA accent I've ever heard in my life, I hate that man so much

    2021 Ranked

  • Tripping with Nils Frahm

    Tripping with Nils Frahm

    Some incredible music, some fairly bland music, filmed in much the same way as anyone films anything. Should have ended with Says, everything else after that feels thin. Shouldn't have looked at the comments, I am always going to be harsh on something that is allegedly for "true fans of electronic and ambient music". Nils is the Coldplay of ambient and I say that as someone who likes Coldplay a lot!!!

  • All the Vermeers in New York

    All the Vermeers in New York

    ★★★★

    This is not all footage of people in museums as my gf feared, but the footage of people in museums? Transcendent! Why isn't Emmanuelle Chaulet in hundreds of films

  • Jungle Cruise

    Jungle Cruise

    What's the point, really. I bottomed out existentially watching The Rock wrestle a CGI jaguar, an incredibly labour intensive and costly scene that has no value as entertainment whatsoever. And then every scene is like that. Jack Whitehall plays Disney's first acknowledgement that gay people exist like he's been bullied into doing it by some bigger boys. I don't even think Aguirre Wrath of God needed a sequel, though I agree The Fountain needs an expanded universe.

    2021 Ranked

  • Maurice

    Maurice

    ★★★★

    Not to give you the wrong impression of what happens in this film but Hugh Grant is so good at acting with something in his mouth

  • Liberte

    Liberte

    Don't think i can really rate this, feel like if I watched it in a Very Specific Mood I would love it but I am not currently in that mood and I'm not sure I will be for a long while

  • Primal Fear

    Primal Fear

    Constantly having to be reminded that the reason I think Maura Tierney was underutilized after NewsRadio is because I've never seen ER

  • One Hundred and One Nights

    One Hundred and One Nights

    ★★★★

    Cahiers du Cinema Presents Peewee's Playhouse. Thank you to Agnes for making a film about(ish) the history of cinema starring Michel Piccolo and not skipping over that time he farted himself to death

  • Double Jeopardy

    Double Jeopardy

    A total hoot and also maybe the single dumbest thriller I've ever seen. If i was changing my identity I would simply make some effort to change my appearance, not enter myself into a charity auction hosted at the fancy hotel I now somehow own, and would definitely not continue to exclusively buy art by the same artist.

  • Volcano

    Volcano

    Was having so much fun with this until the volcano solved racism repeatedly, woof