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  • Burning

    Burning

    ★★★★

    More like Slow Burning lol

    But seriously, it is perfectly paced and ratchets along earning every single second of its two hour and twenty eight minute run time.

  • Tenet

    Tenet

    ★★★½

    Swap out the soundtrack with a James Bond/Back To The Future mashup, break the overlong movie into a three night live episodic event, and bring in that DNA cartoon from Jurassic Park to explain “reverse entropy” and baby, you’ve got your five stars.

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  • WandaVision

    WandaVision

    Come for the lovingly crafted genre pastiche, leave because of that thing where two characters shoot different colored lasers, and then the lasers hit each other and then stop in the middle, and it's kind of like arm wrestling, but with a big glowing meter bar going back and forth between two people wincing really hard.

  • House

    House

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Any movie that is less than *sublime* should be held against House.

    First act not really making your main character likable enough? Why not shoot it like a shampoo commercial?
    Second act lacking tension? Have a piano eat a kid.
    Third act unsatisfactory? Name one of your characters "Kung Fu" and give her the ability to kick ghosts in the face.

    Sound crazy? Tough shit, because House did all of it, and it rules, so now you have no excuse. God DAMMIT I am mad I did not see this when I was 12 years old, I would have grown up so much cooler.