The Astrologer

The Astrologer ★★★★★

“You’re not an astrologer; you’re an asshole!”

Quite literally the Citizen Kane of bad movies. Craig Denney graced this planet with but one movie, but he made it count in this jaw-dropping tale of jewel-smuggling, ego, and occasionally also astrology. It feels like each sequence could exist as its own movie, but the story is so hurried that it’s a rollercoaster of styles and tones. One minute, Craig is doing time in a Kenyan prison, the next he’s making a movie about and starring himself. Narration tries to span these gaps in the story, but it’s as futile as everything else in the movie. The best thing you can do as a viewer is just let the majesty of the movie wash over you, its Moody Blues soundtrack providing the only sense in an otherwise illogical movie.

You know what this is? It’s Neil Breen before Neil Breen was ever a thing. This is it. When you see it, you’ll know exactly what I mean. It makes me wonder if Denney wasn’t just Breen’s previous incarnation in this world. One can only wonder...

Added to:
• “So-Bad-It’s-Good” Movies

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