I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
BREAKING NEWS: DC Unveils Homophobic Batman in Response to Bisexual Superman Outrage
In an attempt to quell the outrage sparked among conservatives after Superman was revealed to be bisexual, DC Comics revealed yesterday that Batman will be a huge homophobe going forward in order to "level the playing field a little bit."
"We decided that comics are for everyone, and that includes conservatives," said Jim Lee, the CCO of DC Comics, in an interview. "We want to acknowledge that some…
BREAKING NEWS: Martin Scorsese Reviews Halloween Kills: "Now That's What I Call Cinema"
After stirring up controversy in 2019 for declaring that Marvel movies were not "real cinema," acclaimed director Martin Scorsese revealed yesterday that he saw the latest installment in the Halloween franchise and couldn't be more pleased. "The artistry. The drama. The poetry. Forget the capes, this is what cinema looks like," the filmmaker shouted to reporters as he exited the screening. "There were certain moments where I…
BREAKING NEWS: Warner Brothers Announces New "Driving" Movie In Response To Spike Lee's Latest
In response to Spike Lee's latest film, Da 5 Bloods, Warner Brothers announced today that it plans to release a new film this December that deals with the delicate subject of race in this country through two people driving around in a car. The movie, which still does not have a title, was intended as a direct response to Lee's film, hoping to yet again nab…
BREAKING NEWS: Disney Announces That Live-Action Bambi Remake Will Focus On Hunter That Killed Bambi’s Mom
In a somewhat surprising move yesterday, Disney CEO Bob Chapek announced that the upcoming live-action Bambi remake in the works will focus almost exclusively on the hunter that killed Bambi’s mother, whose character gets no screen time in the original film. “We just thought it was a shame that we don’t even see the son of a bitch,” Chapek said in an exclusive interview…