Avengers: Endgame

Avengers: Endgame ★★★★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

“as far as i’m concerned, that is AMERICA’S ass.”

”that IS america’s ass.”

this film has officially made it on my Movies That Made Me Weep list. damn. and i fucking wept
i can’t not write a spoilery entry. i wrote one last year but i refuse to do the same now. this is gonna be spoiler-filled as fuck. 

holy fuck.

around 8-9 years ago i was in middle school. my adoration for films/entertainment/pop-culture had began to blossom more than it’s already been. two of my major obsessions were superheroes and entertainment weekly magazines. being a predominantly DC stan my childhood life, my marvel standom wasn’t fully established until the day i received the may 2010 entertainment weekly issue w robert downey jr as iron man on the cover. i had had that issue at the front of my binder cover every day for the next two years to come. at the back of my binder? chris evan’s captain america nov 2010 issue. those two magazines defined my young middle school life and were all i could think abt during today’s watch. 

for the past year, i’ve been saying that i wanted captain america to die if it meant that tony stark would live. even though i’ve been the biggest captain america stan ever since phase 1 and chris evans owns my ass, i really needed tony to live. bc he has the baby. and pepper. and peter. PETER. 

but ,,,,,, i’m satisfied w how it came out. 

i think it’s bc i didn’t want them to turn back time and have tony die without peter knowing why. but since peter was there i guess i’m better now. i’m still incredibly upset but i’m satisfied. i’m satisfied. 

but yeah i basically started weeping at that moment. speaking of this being added in the Movies That Made Me Weep list, aka list of films that have made me weep/ugly sob/cry so hard i feel like dying— if ya read my list, half of those films have made me cry bc of parental relations. bc ya kno, my deep internal problems ya kno. so ya i weeped like a lil fucking BITCH. esp when peter did that whole mr. stark thing again. (and also thinkin abt that hug when they reunited earlier 🥺). FUCK. FUCK HIM. i’m so fucking DEVASTATED. i’m so SAD. and the FUNERAL. and his DAUGHTER. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. I’M SO. FUCKING SAD. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCKJNEJWJJNNNS. 

PROOF THAT TONY STARK HAS A HEART.”

when i TELL YOU. THE WHIMPER THAT CAME OUT. FUCK. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. 

“bring back what we lost, i hope, yes. keep what i found, i have to. and maybe not die trying would be nice.”

my screenwriting student ass shouldve known :-(

before i hop over to rant abt captain america lemme just get over my notes and quotes lol

“have you guys ever studied quantum physics?”
”only to make conversation.”

- the news abt an explicitly gay character is weak considering that everyone’s referring to the guy in the support group at the beginning. but inexplicitly ???? BITCH !!! DID U SEE CAROL DANVERS HAIRCUT ????????

- it’s like black widow couldn’t pick if she wanted to go w red or blonde this film so she went w both. could’ve been done a lot better tho but go off sis !

- 05/01/2019 EDIT: ^^^^^ i made a lot of hidden edits today but this is the only one i’m specifying bc abt what i jst said up there ^^^^^^^^^^^ ,,,, i rewatched it and realized that the reason her hair was like that is bc her natural hair color is red. natasha was so stricken w grief after the snap, she spent five years tirelessly working to find ways to get everyone back. she was so busy and filled w so much grief ,,,,, that she spent those entire 5 yrs at avengers HQ and didn’t have time to bother abt her hair 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 she just let it grow out and was too sad/busy to care 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

“how many of you have never been in space before?”

- build a bear

- hawkeye’s ankle monitor ???? can someone remind me why he’s on house arrest ?????????

- the Logan vibes in the beginning of this film. esp starting w dear mr fantasy by traffic. damn. 

“you’ll just grovel for a couple of wks and then move on w enormous guilt.”

- HULK. IS A DAMN DADDY. BITCH. THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. BITCH. DID U SEE HIM AT THAT DINER???? DID U. SEE HIM. ???????????????????????????? BRAINS AND BRAWN 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

- nudemaster69

- scott lang ???????????? love of my life i think. 

- when scott’s taco flew away and nebula called him an idiot and then hulk gave scott his extra taco 🥺🥺🥺🥺

- when that^ transitioned to that shot of rocket and hulk on the back of the truck w golden poppies all around them 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

- thor and his mom in general 😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥

- tony and his dad 😭😭😭😭😭

- hulk and scott and his taco 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

- rocket petting scott and calling him a puppy 🥺🥺🥺

“do u want to go to space, puppy ?????”

stan lee in the 1970s 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

“hey man, make LOVE not WAR !!!!!!!!!”

- hawkeye and black widow in budapest ??? i LUVVV The Hurt Locker (2009) 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

- i luv hawkeye. in the first avengers i rooted for hawkeye. i protected him. i defended him against everyone who belittled him. but ,,,,,, i wish he died. mayb he didn’t bc it wouldnt hurt as much. but. i’m sad. it was a perfect end for nat. but. i’m sad. 

- LOKI. STEALING THE TESSERACT. AND LEAVING LIKE THAT. HE WILL COME BACK. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL. FUCK. 

- my more important question concerning thor and his dad bod is— is it real? and if it is, did they shoot these scenes before or after his buff scenes? 

- when doctor strange made everyone arrive at once like that ????? that shit was crazy bro. the whole theater (esp me) yelled our heads off. 

- i actually screamed too many times i don’t evn remember when anymore. 

- the BEST sequence of this entire film, i think, is when spiderman #1 gets the gauntlet from black panther then #2 is trapped but then saved after captain america throws mjolnir towards him #3 takes mjolnir for a literal zipline ride above the battle #4 is scooped up by pepper potts #5 is swooped up by valkyrie and her pegasus and then #6 after crashing, is approached by captain marvel and all the marvel women behind her. that shit was magical. MAGICAL. god. that shit was so beautiful. 

- think of that miss new york/beyonce meme except instead of miss new york it’s me and instead of beyonce it’s miss tilda swinton 
 
- ^ that same thing but w miss pepper potts in the last battle

- i forgot who it was if it was hawkeye holding it or hawkeye saying this— but there’s like a silver tiny airplane pendant thing that someone was holding and the other person told him to come back in one piece or come back w it in one peace or ?????? IDK. but can someone plz tell me what that was. 

“so he’s an idiot?”
”yeah,,,,”

- ^ that one was referring to quill but it get me bc of the way that nebula says yeah like that one britney spears meme LOL

- RIP human siri aka vision 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔

- Avengers: Infinity War was more like a comedy w their constant jokes every other minute. i even wrote that it was a lil awkward w those small silences between jokes. i’m glad that Avengers: Endgame was more serious and less awkward lol. 

- also luvd the structure. so clear-cut and concise and not confusing at all, like i was worried it was going to be. didnt feel like 3 hrs at all. bathroom breaks are for unexperienced weaklings. 

“hail hydra.”

THE JUSTICE. HE DESERVES. 

- captain america and tony 🥺

- captain america and nat 🥺

- captain america and  captain america 🥺

- CAPTAIN AMERICA AND MJOLNIR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAPTAIN AMERICA AND FUCKING MJOLNIR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- CAPTAIN FUCKING AMERICA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- AND AMERICA’S ASS !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🤤

“i’d offer to cook you dinner but you seem so miserable already.”

i love. steve rogers. i love captain america. i love him. i love him. i love him. i love him i love him i love him. i love him. i love him. i love him. i LOVOOOOVOVOEKE HIEMMENMENWMWMKSKANSJWJSWJWJWJJSJSJWJWJSJ.

“you’re right, i DO, captain america.”

okay so obviously i’ve been so incredibly in love w steve rogers slash captain america slash chris evans (CHRIS EVANS) for the past decade. but i was expecting him to die. mainly bc i wanted tony to stay alive. but alas, neither of them did. but i’m still satisfied. maybe not w tony, but undoubtedly w steve. it ended perfectly for him and i couldn’t be happier. 

“that IS america’s ass.”

also um no-brainer but the thirst was so real lmfao i’ve already spent all of these past few weeks thirsting over videos of chris evans on twitter so like three hours straight of seeing that man look like a damn SNACK onscreen w ten mins dedicated to glorifying his ass ??????? HEAVEN. perfection. i was SOAKED. 

AND ESP HIM FIGHTING HIMSELF HNGGGGGG zADDIES

AND WHEN CAP SUMMONED AND FOUGHT W MJOLNIR ???? FUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS WET ,,,, BITCH. FUCK. MY HEART WAS BURSTING. HOLY SHIT. HOW. FUCK. HONESTLY. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO PERFECT. UGH. FUCK. 

i’d like some explanation on how he was suddenly worthy tho, esp bc he was able to summon thunder. but ya kno. that’s a question for another time. 

anyway this truly was tony and steve’s film. and the focus shifted between both equally, i think. or fairly, at least. so so so satisfying. i’m glad this film was more character and heart than action. my heart was w and is w steve the whole time. 

i knew that we were going to get peggy and steve dancing but i always thought it would be like post-mortem?idk how that would’ve worked but ya kno. wtv. i mostly sobbed at tony but those last few seconds were spent by me being absolutely broken. so happy for steve. evn tho i’m trying to erase the memory of what his older self looks like, i still luv him. and i’m so happy. 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😥

”avengers. ASSEMBLE.”

@ marvel & @ stan lee’s ghost, thank u so much for these films. the mcu has defined my young adolescent life and i will forever be grateful. thank u for giving steve and tony the best endings they could possibly deserve. 🥺

”i am iron man.” 

started the mcu. ended the mcu (or jst these phases, at least).

i luv u tony stark. i luv u 3000.

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