Death Screams

Death Screams ★★

Either a stunningly meta treatise on the slasher genre, solely designed to poke fun at the usual tropes of its peers from within the confines of an actual serious movie.........or a hilariously baffling example of a time when they would throw money at any old garbage in the hope that no-one would notice the product was utterly ripe........

While my money is firmly on the latter, I really do wish it was the former........

A small town slasher that's 95% small town and 5% slasher, its a dull plod through rural American life: 'teenagers' who are all over 30, the usual soap opera dramas around who likes who and who doesn't, the usual, er, somewhat rotund local sheriff who does little but look at copies of Hustler in the local grocery store, a carnival that shows we should all be thanking god or whatever deity/higher power flavour you like for inventing the internet........Christ, it's dull.

Until the final ten minutes there are four kills: two happen in the opening credits and one is off camera so its hardly a blood and guts affair to pep the audience up. Even the dirty mac T&A brigade will be disappointed as even though there's plenty of tight top and bra action (courtesy of nice girl lead actress and Playmate Susan Kiger and town slut Jennifer Chase) the clothing remains firmly in place.

And yet when it does finally all indeed go full on robot metal chubby gonzo in the few remaining feet of film, the make up effects are lower than low-fi (even if the ambition is there) and if you can identify the killer and his motives even after seeing him in all his glory, answers on a postcard please because frankly I have no fucking idea.

Its rubbish. That is all.