Cinemology has written 9 reviews for films rated ½ .

  • Space Jam: A New Legacy

    Space Jam: A New Legacy

    LeBron James is better than this, he can speak to many issues, can create a better opportunity for kids growing up like he did but who can't all win the basketball lottery, and is frankly funnier than this. There is a long list of reasons why the original Space Jam is a beloved classic, and part of the reasoning is that Michael Jordan didn't try to be funny. Maybe he didn't try to act either, but his role was just…

  • Joker

    Joker

    ½

    I saw it. It’s without a doubt one of the worst travesties ever inflicted on cinema. The character is unlikeable on purpose, sure, but it’s because it’s not a fully fleshed out idea that causes such a major disconnect. There are stories that teach you to appreciate people who are broken inside, there are stories that string you along in familiar territory until suddenly you become uncomfortable with the actions and choices taken by the people you’ve followed. The Joker…

  • The Exterminating Angels

    The Exterminating Angels

    The balls on this piece of shit director to make what amount to basically a veering on pornographic retelling and explanation of a crime which he pleaded guilty to, that of enticing women to perform sexually explicit scenes for him in private rooms. The fiction presented suggests everything was consensual, and every actress was more than enthusiastic, the writer/director going so far as suggesting that the reason he was arrested and charged was because the experience was so profound that…

  • Flanders

    Flanders

    Fuck off. Watched on MUBI

  • Two Years at Sea

    Two Years at Sea

    Hm. Watched on MUBI

  • House on Bare Mountain

    House on Bare Mountain

    I am beyond irritated that this synopsis even includes Dracula and Frankenstein as part of the plot. There are shots in films where you say "the length of the shot means this" or "ah yes, context for this other element" but in this film, the lingering shots of women's breasts and butts provide only voyeurism. When it's insinuated that a woman is actually much younger but just takes "lots of vitamins" it blew my fucking mind, because it caused deep…

  • Mom and Dad

    Mom and Dad

    A sizzle reel with a plot. A rock and roll/techno music video starring Nic Cage and Selma Blair. An overbloated convoluted possible allegory. An excuse for some dude to follow young girls in skirts around in the guise of making art. Maybe not.

  • Woody Woodpecker

    Woody Woodpecker

    From the director of Chairman of the Board starring Carrot Top, Tooth Fairy 2 starring Larry the Cable Guy, and Jingle All The Way 2 starring Larry the Cable Guy, comes a nightmare of a movie. Somehow $10 million dollars was spent on this direct-to-Netflix Universal Picture with a script phoned in by a middle school jock about a kid whose dad is torn between two women that are not his mom. Woody Woodpecker attempts to kill multiple people in this film. There is no fourth wall so the level of discomfort is a 10, but the quality is somehow less than zero.

  • Fifty Shades Darker

    Fifty Shades Darker

    Wouldn’t it be weird if Paul Thomas Anderson said he was inspired to make Phantom Thread after watching Fifty Shades of Grey? 
    The dialogue plays like a Tommy Wiseau film, especially in the first act. And the third act. Actually the whole film is a poor excuse for writing. The lighting is good and the performances are fine, especially considering the words they’re acting but dammit this needs to not be a movie people pay for.
    Also, this was a really weird follow-up to watching The Handmaid’s Tale, but there are thematic similarities.