Branson has written 257 reviews for films with no rating during 2019.

  • Train to Busan

    Train to Busan

    Absolutely incredible that one of the strategies for dealing with zombies in this movie that works best is “have a strong guy beat them up.”

  • Cats

    Cats

    A chilling and action-packed look into the perils of tribalism. Grow up.

  • Step Brothers

    Step Brothers

    The curse of Will Ferrell is that the least funny try-hards on earth tend to glom onto his work and overfarm it until the soil is salted and barren. It makes a lot of his stuff hard to rewatch when most of the big comic moments have taken on a life of their own as context-less AIM away messages. It’s a testament to his talent and charisma that I not only don’t blame him for this, I am mad about…

  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Sorry but anybody calling this movie soulless is way off the mark. This is as close a look as we’ll ever get into JJ Abrams’ soul. It's just that the man’s got a small soul. Judging by his work, JJ Abrams is being bombarded with constant overstimulation which causes him spiritual anguish. He makes movies as a cry for help. He's Van Gogh but rich. Everybody's watching and nobody's helping.

    So he undid the 2-3 interesting things in Last Jedi to appease some redditors. So what? A man is in agony.

  • Ford v Ferrari

    Ford v Ferrari

    This movie is set during the same late spring early summer that Dazed and Confused is set -that special time of year when it feels incredible to be outside as the sun is going down. The years don’t even close to match up but that’s movie magic for you. If Christian Bale is having fun I’m having fun. I think he has fun once every seven or eight years but who am I to judge.

  • Uncut Gems

    Uncut Gems

    Making a period piece set in 2012 in 2019 is the funniest possible move. We gotta stop Kony

  • Le bled (Buildings in a Field)

    Le bled (Buildings in a Field)

    Luc Sante and Jem Cohen's sensibilities line up really nicely. This is the Road To... series I want 30 more installments of.

    Here, check it out: www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmToV91UsOA&t=61s

    My only complaint is that I'd like to think these guys would like me if we met but it's way more likely that they'd think I'm annoying.

  • John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch
  • Bad Santa

    Bad Santa

    It’s for sure a comedy made in 2003 with all the awful trappings that entails but it’s also one of maybe three christmas movies that have ever made me feel something. I think it’s that kid? I don’t know. Most of my mental energy is going towards the Kevin Spacey video today.

  • 6 Underground

    6 Underground

    People keep falling over themselves to call Michael Bay an auteur and there’s something really funny about how removed from that conversation he’s obviously been. This movie feels like Bay watched Deadpool and said “this was great but it had some medium shots. I will fix this” and then he just started walking towards Ryan Reynolds like the It Follows sex monster.

  • Factory Farmed

    Factory Farmed

    They gave this guy a Star Wars because the guy in this wears a Star Wars looking ass hat. That’s at least as good a reason as whatever big-shot producer sex cult ritual JJ Abrams stumbled in on in the early aughts.

  • The Strange Thing About the Johnsons

    The Strange Thing About the Johnsons

    Here’s my impression of the audience reaction Ari Aster is aiming for 100% of the time: “Oh dear! This Ari Aster has shocked me to my very core! How dreadful for me that I can neither predict nor tolerate his twisted jester’s vision... for I suspect that in his funhouse mirror there lies a certain truth.”