• Dead & Buried

    Dead & Buried

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Gary Sherman is really something else when it comes to evoking a sense of place. These are some Moby Dick visuals. That's probably why I disliked Raw Meat so much, he evoked England.

    Great little movie that drags a little in the middle when it seems like you're way ahead of it (it's the twist from Hot Fuzz) until it reveals that it's not so much that you're ahead of it as it is that it's standing right behind you smiling.

    Really cool gore. I could go on but I'm not getting paid to go on so fuck you.

  • Woodstock 99: Peace, Love, and Rage

    Woodstock 99: Peace, Love, and Rage

    Weird to lay so much of the blame for this on Limp Bizkit and Korn but then uncritically interview Moby and let him act like some sort of moral authority when like a month later he pulled that Natalie Portman shit. Fuck you, dude.

    Also there's basically no way they hunted down and cleared all of that footage of women getting sexually assaulted. Fuck you, you're not on any sort of higher moral ground than Jonathan Davis.

    Would've been really…

  • Vice Squad

    Vice Squad

    Loved this. You cross the threshold with Wings Hauser screaming "NEON SLIME" at you in such an intense register that I couldn't help but worry his voice would be shredded during the movie. Luckily the Hollywood magic of editing means that he was probably able to record the song after they filmed. Or maybe before but there was a break. Another Hollywood mystery.

    I really appreciated how funny this movie wasn't. It's extremely funny when it wants to be ("she…

  • The Suicide Squad

    The Suicide Squad

    The internet in my apartment went out right after the weasel died which is just as well since that was the only character I cared about.

  • Shadow of a Doubt

    Shadow of a Doubt

    Had always wondered where we got the phrase "it is very dangerous to have a crush on your wicked uncle"

  • The Usual Suspects

    The Usual Suspects

    Avoided this movie in high school because it felt like the domain of humorless 16 year old boys who wore all black suits with red ties to homecoming. Figured enough time had passed that I could watch it on its own merits. Turns out I was right the first time.

  • Shutter Island

    Shutter Island

    I've heard that this is Scorsese's worst movie. Pretty good worst movie! That scene with the Buffalo Bill guy being like "what would you do if I started eating your eyeball?" was a highlight. I like DiCaprio but I got just a little tired of him acting crazy by sweating like a Mobile, AL lawyer and trying to push his skull out of his forehead. What are you gonna do, though? For me, it's enjoy the movie. For you? Well... the rest remains unwritten...

  • Southland Tales

    Southland Tales

    Lovitz DELIVERS, good lord!

  • Sorcerer


    A rather calming affair. If you're an idiot, that is.

  • Something Wild

    Something Wild

    Man I wish the world kept moving in this direction instead of in the direction of a hollowed out Chipotle. What are you gonna do, though. That's life.

  • Let's Scare Jessica to Death

    Let's Scare Jessica to Death

    Feels like something you catch late at night on TV at your grandparents' house, about thirty minutes in and you either get scared and turn it right off or watch to the end if you're cool. Really difficult vibe to capture but it never once falters. Really special lead performance. "Is she actually cRaZy!?" is one of the hardest notes in the world for an actor to land and so for Zohra Lampert to not only nail it but to…

  • Space Jam: A New Legacy

    Space Jam: A New Legacy

    Then Almitra spoke, saying, We would ask now of Death.
        And he said:
        You would know the secret of death.
        But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
        The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
        If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.