Branson has written 124 reviews for films during 2021.

  • Malignant

    Malignant

    Do you think just Joe Santiago gets royalties when the only part of Where Is My Mind they use for their spooky cover is the guitar riff? I doubt it. Happens a lot, though. Worth looking into.

  • Kotoko

    Kotoko

    I get annoyed with middlebrow horror snob opinions like "jump scares are cheap" pretty easily. Whoop de shit. You either got embarrassed watching a Paranormal Activity movie and have never forgiven "jump scares" or you parroted somebody else's opinion to sound like you know more about a genre you probably just don't actually enjoy very much. Just own it, coward. And don't give me that "I just don't like cheap jump scares" bullshit either. Cheap jump scares rule. You're freaked…

  • Cinderella

    Cinderella

    I watched a Trevor Noah Daily Show at my hotel room the other night. Had never seen it because I generally love and try to take care of myself but I figured what the hell. It's worse than I thought! So bad, in fact, that I got briefly obsessed with it. It's a comedy show hosted by the kid from the Twilight Zone who sends you to the cornfield if you yell at him. Just completely unwatchable. But as I…

  • Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

    Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I laughed really hard when one of the characters said "I mean, we live in a world where half of the population can disappear with the snap of a finger." Like, they all just processed the Endgame stuff like career sociopaths processed 9/11.

    Some cool fights that become the best fight scenes of all-time if you weigh them against every other Marvel movie where CGI Iron Men of various color schemes crash into each other in some of earth's grayest…

  • The Matrix

    The Matrix

    I forgot that so much of why this works is because of Fishburne. I remembered him just being cool and stoic but in rewatch he's really selling you on what a dorky dreamer Morpheus is. So much of the movie's emotional core rests on the subtle difference between his Matrix self and his real self.

    Also it's so funny when Agent Smith explodes.

  • Q: Into the Storm

    Q: Into the Storm

    We live in a forum-based reality and have for a little while now. Hope we break out of it in my lifetime but I don't know if we will. What do I know though, I really like running around and dancing and stuff. I think that's left me as a lurker at my most well-informed.

  • The Protégé

    The Protégé

    They cut my scene where I pulled a gun on Maggie Q and demanded to know whether or not she was tall because it "wasn't in the script" and I "didn't know they were filming."

  • JFK

    JFK

    Joe Pesci being not only good but outstanding as a gay southerner is proof that when it comes to casting, accuracy cannot hold a candle to vibes

  • Outbreak

    Outbreak

    This could've been how we handled covid if only our cowardly scientists had had the courage to get divorced.

  • Sharky's Machine

    Sharky's Machine

    In the opening scene Burt Reynolds looks like he's gone undercover as Sean Connery. How charmed you are by that is a Rorschach test for how much you'll like the rest of this movie. I was pretty charmed! And so I was able to have a pretty good time, sleazy acid-jazz loose-cannon cop warts and all. It's not great but it occasionally stumbles into these rhythms that are so funny even though they keep getting swallowed by long stretches of…

  • Invasion of the Body Snatchers

    Invasion of the Body Snatchers

    Ultimately a movie about turning thirty and watching helplessly as -one by one- your friends stop being cool. I can say it. I'm 33. I've been body snatched. It's okay, actually.

    Really liked that the score gets quieter and quieter and more and more ominous until the dog with the person face and then it's Smokey and the Bandit banjo music.

  • Slither

    Slither

    I wish this wasn't a comedy. Just give me the gross shit without Nathan Fillion looking at it and saying "okay that's just wrong"