• Minari



    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    tfw ding dong broken.
    A lot of my good-will for Minari was washed away in the final act as the fuckup cascade enacted by a character suddenly bereft of agency felt genuinely emotionally manipulative. It came across as completely unnecessary as it came after an intensely moving one-to-one moment where the characters finally took a stand for themselves, which could have been where the movie began to wrap up. Still, I liked how sweet all of the characters were, chemistry…

  • The Mitchells vs. The Machines

    The Mitchells vs. The Machines


    Life Is Strange at x6 playback speed. Ten years too late at attempting to capture that 2011 internet culture vibe, but still ends up about as misguided as you'd expect from a crew who probably just weren't raised on it. When it isn't going too fast for me to gain any sense of place, it hangs weirdly long after a failed attempt at comedy. So many genuinely emotional opportunities are essentially ruined by this bizarre stop and start rhythm. Kind…

  • Kong: Skull Island

    Kong: Skull Island


    Slap this on and just have a great time. I already loved this thing to death, but after watching Godzilla Vs. King Kong, I actually appreciate it that much more. Oh, how wonderful it is for the camera to actually know what to look at, for the screenwriters to permit their characters to breathe and experience fulfilling arcs.

    Skull Island radiates with confidence and power as unstoppable as its pacing, and it is completely earned. The action setpieces are so…

  • Super Mario Bros.

    Super Mario Bros.


    Not sure why people pissed and moaned for years about this not being a faithful adaptation of SMB when this has more personality than all of the games combined. Bob-ombs wear Reebok.

  • Godzilla vs. Kong

    Godzilla vs. Kong


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Kind of barren of personality and tries to cover for it with shoehorned sassy comedy kid sections that feel extremely by-committee, most of the jokes are outdated as fuck too (tide pod challenge jokes in 2021 REALLY?). The movie kind of had no idea how to make the human characters as fun as the monsters at all, which is kind of stark contrast to how well Kong: Skull Island managed the balance. And daman Mechagodzilla's design was so ugly wtf.…

  • Fitzcarraldo



    I did that once

  • My Neighbor Totoro

    My Neighbor Totoro


    Totoro helping the kids spawn a new tree in seconds, sprawling in size and seemingly ancient in stature, right beside their home, as if it was built with the tree in mind. If the movie hung on the final frame of that scene for a moment longer, I'd probably have broken down.
    My Neighbor Totoro is teaming with adoration for the spirit of youth, optimism for humanity's place in nature, and makes sure the flames of imagination keep burning. The…

  • Galaxy Quest

    Galaxy Quest


    Cute!!! Didn't find this as funny as I did reverent and charming, so honestly it might end up sticking with me for longer.
    The more I look at Sam Rockwell the more actors I realise he looks exactly like, that guy is a living deepfake.

  • Koyaanisqatsi



    The moment I see this available in a theatre I am jumping on the opportunity to rewatch it. Conveys scale, heat, population and industrial might better than any movie I've ever seen and it is completely spiritually devastating.

  • A Gnome Named Gnorm

    A Gnome Named Gnorm


    Laughed so much I felt sick, then when the gnome stared at the majesty of the sea for two straight minutes I cried so much I saw God

  • Can't Get You Out of My Head

    Can't Get You Out of My Head


    Skipping an iPlayer ad for Masterchef to hear Adam Curtis say "dreamworld of consumption"

  • Monster Hunter

    Monster Hunter


    A cautionary tale for what would happen to Monster Hunter if the series were passed down to Americans; the people conditioned into believing that Hershey's chocolate is chocolate. This movie was cut by a maniac and scored by a fax machine. One and a half starz for Ron Perlman moving around and doing things.