• Dune

    Dune

    ★★★★

    Yeah the giant sand worms are cool and all but Spongebob did it better

  • Suspiria

    Suspiria

    ★★★★

    I can’t believe Dario Argento invented cinematography

  • The Hills Have Eyes

    The Hills Have Eyes

    ★★★

    The intellectual side of my brain: Wes Craven 
    created a scathing critique of 1970s racial panic by reflecting the deepest cultural anxieties of white upper-middle-class America that the oppressed will rise up and “eat the rich”

    The correct side of my brain: haha gun go pew pew

  • The Nile Hilton Incident

    The Nile Hilton Incident

    ★★

    Why is he so worried about murder? They’ve all got two years max before the lung cancer kicks in

  • 1917

    1917

    ★★★★

    By the end, was exhausted just watching that poor boy trod around

  • Midnight Mass

    Midnight Mass

    ★★★½

    Perfect Penny just HAS to ruin everything

  • Squid Game

    Squid Game

    ★★★

    Im just gonna pretend the game ended before ep 6 and Sae-byok and Jiyoung fall in love and live happily ever after with their piles of money

  • Moonlight

    Moonlight

    ★★★★½

    A24 owns my ass and they know it

  • Perfect Blue

    Perfect Blue

    ★★★★½

    This movie was simultaneously hilariously dated (that lil tutorial on how to open webpages on a Macintosh??) and one of the most pertinent commentaries on modern internet culture I have seen in a long time. Kon’s choice to use the web as the means through which the male gaze operates just goes to show that he really had his finger on the pulse.

  • The Lighthouse

    The Lighthouse

    ★★★★★

    Titan! to whose immortal eyes 
             The sufferings of mortality, 
             Seen in their sad reality, 
    Were not as things that gods despise; 
    What was thy pity's recompense? 
    A silent suffering, and intense; 
    The rock, the vulture, and the chain, 
    All that the proud can feel of pain, 
    The agony they do not show, 
    The suffocating sense of woe, 
             Which speaks but in its loneliness, 
    And then is jealous lest…

  • The Lobster

    The Lobster

    ★★★

    Love Island but everyone is on the Autism Spectrum

  • Donnie Darko

    Donnie Darko

    ★★★★½

    Jake Gyllenhaal is Jesus confirmed