señor candy

señor candy

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Putting the ham back in A.S. Hamrah

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  • Wild Hogs

    Wild Hogs

    ★★½

    I just texted a friend that I felt comfortable in my anonymity here on Letterboxd, writing from a profile not attached to my name, letting me do things I’m otherwise too self-conscious to do: comfortable enough, in other words, to go hog wild. I then realized; why not review hog wild?

    Two issues: 1) I was thinking of this movie, which is not called Hog Wild; 2) I have never seen Hog Wild, nor will I ever see it. Two…

  • Brick

    Brick

    Dode fucks. Tug's mean. But Pin's nice, and when his mom served Joseph Gordon Levitt apple juice in what she called a "country glass" I wondered exactly what she meant. The glass looked regular to me. I'm no obsessive, not normally. I don't get into bed and wonder about things. At the end of the day it's lights out, end of story. But something happened after I watched Rian Johnson's 2005 neo-noir, Brick. Minutes after I got into bed, I…

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  • Eight Legged Freaks

    Eight Legged Freaks

    Well, I've never seen this movie
    and I know that I never will...
    It's got a spider on the cover
    and a man, shouting "Scary Bill!"
    Well, Bill is the name of the spider
    my mother bought at the store.
    We put him in some water
    and he grew tall: ten feet more!
    We called the pet shop and asked:
    did you sell us a cursed beast?
    The pet shop manager laughed a lot
    and I'm said: I'm from the…

  • Buster

    Buster

    ★★★½

    Long have I wanted one of those decorative pagan sun statues. The anthropomorphic kind that you hang on the side of you building, one that has a smile, and can be purchased at Cost Plus or Pier One. When my grandmother died, then, you’ll understand that, while I was sad, I was also excited to see that my inheritance had come in the mail. I’m aware that it’s overkill to spend $16,000 on a pagan sun statue; but why are…

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  • The Lair of the White Worm

    The Lair of the White Worm

    ★★★★★

    Let's be honest, this is the only movie you've ever watched. Admit it. You tell your wife, "I'm going to put on Notting Hill again," to make her leave the room—"Again?" she asks—so you can put on THE LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM. You know it's a problem. You've justified it to yourself. This has been a difficult year, you say. I need comfort in my life, you say. One more time watching THE LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM won't…

  • Querelle

    Querelle

    ★★★★★

    Most of all, I really do love it when cops at the gay bar wear a little leather hat that says POLICE and then out of the gay bar wear a long trench coat and those fucking little sunglasses with shades on the side while acting like a dumb horny idiot who can't stop asking if the murderer was gay, so, all in all, this was the movie for me.