Swashbuckler

Swashbuckler ★★★½

I wanted to give this all the stars. But I've got to be rational here. I've got to be measured. I've got to take into account that nobody in this movie is reading the same script. Robert Shaw's probably still in JAWS. Maybe drunk. Probably both. Peter Boyle is playing it too straight. Beau Bridges too goofy. Avery Schreiber and Sid Haig and Geoffrey Holder have the right tone, but none of them have enough screen time to get everyone else on the same page. Anjelica Huston looks like she just showed up on set and the director placed her there, in the corner, like a houseplant. Genevieve Bujold looks like she had a good time trying to keep the "wardrobe" in place. And James Earl Jones is just a cool ass m'f'er.

Now, take into account that cast. And that this is really a silly, throwback pirate movie with a bunch of ridiculous stunts and an apparently only rudimentary understanding of directing and camera movement.

It's goddamn fun, you guys! But, like I said, a bit of a bleary, how-can-this-possibly-be-happening? kind of madness dotted with limerick battles, roosters with boobs and Peter Boyle playing with frigates in the bathtub.

I would absolutely recommend this movie to a select group of people. I don't know if I can recommend it to you, however. I don't know you. Maybe I do. If I do, and you think this is something you'd like, definitely, by all means watch and enjoy SWASHBUCKLER.